Yated Shidduch Forum 1/22/21: Many of the People I Dated Have Real Problems. How Can I Best Bring This to Their Attention?
Question:
I’ve been dating for a number of years now and have met all kinds of people from different walks of life. It seems to me that some of the young men I happened to meet are so eager to marry and build a family that they get caught in their blinding desire and don’t realize that they actually have to build a relationship with me in order for us to connect and become husband and wife. They see their dream, but they don’t see me.
Other men simply have bad social skills, come late consistently, or have paralyzing anxiety that gets in the way of them connecting or being reasonably flexible. These people go on to date other girls, assuming they just haven’t found the right one.
My question is, after I date such a fellow, will I be doing him a service if I reach out to his rabbi or reference and let them know that this man, who wants to get married so badly, needs hadracha? Or do I go about my way and hope he gets what he needs somehow? If I do say something, how would I best go about it?
Yated Shidduch Forum 1/8/21: Are We Overeducating Our Daughter’s?
Question:
Like many people, I try from time to time to suggest shidduchim to singles I know. In the majority of cases, it’s the girl’s side who rejects the suggestion based on the fact that the boy isn’t spiritually suitable for them. It may be that the boy is learning in yeshiva but also attending school to learn a vocation and the girl wants a serious learner only. Or maybe he’s working and she only wants a learning boy. Or she may be okay with a working/college boy, but he has to be a solid ben Torah per her standards.
These rejection patterns are often repeated and have gotten me thinking. Many of these values are instilled in our girls during their high school and seminary years by well-meaning mechanchos….
Yated Shidduch Forum 1/1/21: Leaving Without Saying Goodbye?
Question:
On several occasions, my son has had girls run out of his car after a date. He tells the girl that he had a nice date, and then, for example, he adds that he’ll call her (if that’s where they’re up to), and she flies out of the car without a proper good night.
There seems to be something missing in the training here.
Have you found this to be an issue? If yes, who should be responsible to convey to girls – and boys – that at the end of a date, a proper goodbye and good night is mentchlech?