Yated Shidduch Forum 4/30/21: We Got a Yes and Then They Backed Out. Is That Allowed?
Question:
I recently redd a shidduch to a talmid of mine. His mother got back to me before Yom Tov, telling me that she was interested in her son meeting the girl who I had suggested. I let the girl’s family know right away and waited to hear back from them. Even though it was a busy week of Yom Tov, they got back to me about a week after I had called them, saying that they, too, were interested in the shidduch. The girl, being from out of town, started making travel plans to come in before the week was over. I called my talmid’s mother the next day to inform her that the girl’s side was interested and wanted to set up a date. To my surprise, she informed me that her son had just begun dating a different girl and that she would get back to me if that shidduch didn’t go anywhere.
I was shocked to hear that they had gone ahead with a different shidduch after giving a yes to this girl, but I am wondering if maybe I’m just being naive. Is this how it works? Can a boy’s mother give a yes to more than one girl at a time and let her son go out with whoever gets back to her first? Or was this wrong on her part? I am aware that it’s a “boys’ market” out there, but does that mean that parents can use that to their advantage in this way?
Another question: Is there anything I could/should have done differently? Should I have kept them posted more frequently? Should the girl’s side have given an answer sooner? Maybe there should be an official time limit when research time expires and the next girl gets a chance to come up to bat.
I’m hoping you can share your insight into this matter. Thank you.
Answer: