Yated Shidduch Forum 3/4/22: A Shadchan Emailed Us a Stack of Résumés, and Later on, a Friend Redd the Same Shidduch. Who is Owed Shadchanus?
Question:
A century ago, redding a shidduch required significant effort on the shadchan’s behalf, traveling to someone’s home across town or even traveling for days to another town to relay information. Nowadays, shidduch résumé sharing occurs with little effort and sometimes no thought.
A mother with a boy in shidduchim told me that a shadchan shared with her 15 girls’ shidduch profiles in one day. This is what I would call “mass shidduch sharing.” He had done some homework, knew they were overall excellent girls, and was in general terms seeing which girls the parents would show further interest in. A few weeks later, a good friend of the mother’s redd her one girl who she knew very well. The friend was on top of the game, and the shidduch proceeded along to the point of dating and eventual engagement. The boy’s parents were aware that the other shadchan had shared this name, too, but they were much more comfortable using this friend to be the shadchan, as she knew both sides well. The original shadchan came back to the boy’s parents expecting his piece of the pie. How can someone expect reimbursement for just “name dropping”?