Yated Shidduch Forum 3/5/21: What is the Point of All this Dating??
Question:
I’m a chassidishe lady married nine years. When I was 21 years old, my parents found a shidduch that matched the picture I had in my head as to what type of boy I wanted to marry. I had three “beshows” and got engaged. (I actually believe that the third beshow was a waste of time.) I am very happily married.
I am watching my non-chassidishe brother-in-law date girl after girl and I am seriously plotzing. I want to ask all of you: All of you are married. Did you really, truly get to know your spouse when you dated? Did you not have any major surprises after you got married? Have you not changed at all since you got married? What is the point of all this dating?
You don’t truly know what life is all about and you can’t ensure yourself a happier future. Shouldn’t you just encourage the girl and the boy to simply make sure that the other party is ehrlich and a mentch and just get married? Everything will just work itself out after that. If you want to argue that the divorce rate is higher among those who do beshows (and I don’t know if that is true), then I’ll tell you that the marriage rate is definitely higher.
Answer: