Yated Shidduch Forum 3/26/21: 5-Minute Interviews; Do Shadchanim Really Understand Me?
Question:
I recently started the parsha of shidduchim. I have met with several shadchanim since I got back from Eretz Yisroel. While some of them sat down to speak to me, some merely bumped into me and asked me my name, where I learned, and what my parents do. Then these shadchanim began sending résumés to my mother.
My question is: Do these shadchanim really have a picture of who I am and what I’m looking for? Am I right for feeling that they are just matching me with a girl who “learned in the same type of yeshiva”?
Bekitzur, do shadchanim really get a clear picture of what the singles they are redding are about and what we’re looking to do?
Yated Shidduch Forum 3/19/21: The Shadchan Told Us We Have “No Chance.” What Now?
Question:
My wife has a sister who has been in shidduchim for over four years. We work tirelessly to try to get her married. It has happened numerous times that when we contact shadchanim to redd a certain shidduch to the boy’s side, they refuse to even redd it, claiming that we have “no chance.”
Is that the way it is supposed to go? Should we not be trying for the qualities my wife’s sister is looking for in a boy because “we have no shot” anyway?
Yated Shidduch Forum 3/12/21: Should We Splurge on Seminary for Better Shidduch Prospects?
Question:
I am an out-of-town mother. Due to financial difficulties, it would be a major strain on us to send our daughter to a “top” seminary, but we feel obligated as parents to accept this due to the fact that these days, our daughter may have difficulties getting a good shidduch. Does the panel think that it makes sense to accept this financial burden on ourselves?
Yated Shidduch Forum 3/5/21: What is the Point of All this Dating??
Question:
I’m a chassidishe lady married nine years. When I was 21 years old, my parents found a shidduch that matched the picture I had in my head as to what type of boy I wanted to marry. I had three “beshows” and got engaged. (I actually believe that the third beshow was a waste of time.) I am very happily married.
I am watching my non-chassidishe brother-in-law date girl after girl and I am seriously plotzing. I want to ask all of you: All of you are married. Did you really, truly get to know your spouse when you dated? Did you not have any major surprises after you got married? Have you not changed at all since you got married? What is the point of all this dating?
You don’t truly know what life is all about and you can’t ensure yourself a happier future. Shouldn’t you just encourage the girl and the boy to simply make sure that the other party is ehrlich and a mentch and just get married? Everything will just work itself out after that. If you want to argue that the divorce rate is higher among those who do beshows (and I don’t know if that is true), then I’ll tell you that the marriage rate is definitely higher.
Answer: