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Author: Shlomo

Yated Shidduch Forum 6/3/22: I Am Getting Negative Feedback About My Résumé References. What Can I Do?

Question:
 
I am a single girl in shidduchim. Over my high school and seminary years, I made some very good, close friends. Boruch Hashem, most of them got married pretty quickly. 
I know that life gets busy and unfortunately you lose touch. I won’t get into that aspect now of who’s at fault, but there are a few friends who I still have what do with, and obviously those are the ones on my résumé. At this point, these friends have been getting phone calls about me for several years. They have, on average, 2-4 kids and lead very busy lives.
 
I get feedback sometimes that my friends don’t pick up when people call for information, and I can imagine that after getting so many phone calls over the years, their exuberance when giving over information is beginning to wane. Even if they try, they are pretty tired from a full day at work, then spending the night taking care of their children. They are then tied up on the phone, answering the same questions very often, which gets difficult when it’s your only free time of your day, especially if you’ve forgotten how being in shidduchim feels and don’t realize how much the person on the other line reacts to your enthusiasm or lack thereof. 
 
I get many suggestions, but not so many yeses. I wish to make mothers looking into girls aware of this, and receive any tips from the panelists on how to handle this situation – besides thanking my friends so, so much! 
 
Thank you.

Yated Shidduch Forum 5/27/22: We Met With Shadchanim, What Hishtadlus Can We Do Now?

Question:
 
Our daughter is ready to begin shidduchim and we met with some shadchanim.
Now what? Do we just sit and wait for the phone to ring? Do we go to meet with even more shadchanim?
 
Is there any additional effective hishtadlus that you would recommend that we do, other ways to come up with possible suggestions for our daughter?

Yated Shidduch Forum 5/13/22: Are People Too Negative When They Speak About Shidduchim?

Question:

One of the most unfortunate lines that I keep hearing from parents of boys and girls alike is, “We can’t wait to be out of shidduchim,” or, “I feel such a load off my shoulders in between my children who are dating.” Is there any way to spin the process into a lighter, more positive experience for all as we remind ourselves daily that it is a brocha to have dating children and iy”H bring them to the chupah, instead of an overwhelming burdensome parsha?

Yated Shidduch Forum 4/8/22: Are People in Shidduchim Being Overly Picky?

Question:
 
In Rav Chaim Kanievsky on Shidduchim, Rabbi Naftali Weinberger relates that Rav Chaim zt”l said, and I quote, “There is no way to know for sure that this is one’s intended shidduch other than to marry the person.” Furthermore, Rav Chaim said, “Though a Heavenly voice decrees whom one will marry, it is possible for a person to lose his Heavenly intended shidduch by being overly selective.”
 
In your experience, do you find that people are too selective when it comes to shidduchim, and what eitzah is there to get those people to be more open-minded?

Yated Shidduch Forum 3/25/22: Are Bachurim in Lakewood Only Dating Young Women In Lakewood?

Question:
 
I have been redding shidduchim for a number of years and successfully made a number of shidduchim. Recently, I have been hearing from mothers of Lakewood boys that they are only looking into Lakewood girls. I have heard this multiple times. I am assuming that these mothers are looking for the convenience of not shlepping for a date and eventually for the couple to live near both sets of parents. I find this very disturbing. Why are people giving up on quality for such minor conveniences?
 
Have you, in your experience, seen a similar phenomenon?

Are Working Boys Getting Left Out in the Cold?

Question:
 
After being on the shidduch market a bit as a working boy, it is obvious to me that there are many more working boys than there are girls who want working boys. My question is: what is happening to these boys? What hope is there for them?


I’ve noticed that the girls who are interested in working boys have more options than they know what to do with. Is there anything we should do to shift this mindset? After all, it isn’t surprising that not all boys are capable of learning 8+ hours a day. 
 
What can boys like me do to increase their market value when the vast majority of girls and parents give them a “no” off the bat?