Website sponsored by Mr. & Mrs. Malkiel Goldberger in honor of their precious children
info@shidduchcenter.org | 443.955.9887
Website sponsored by Mr. & Mrs. Malkiel Goldberger in honor of their precious children
info@shidduchcenter.org | 443.955.9887

Published Articles

Yated Shidduch Forum 11/20/20: Feeling Anxious All the Time; How Do I Develop & Maintain Bitachon While in Shidduchim?

Question: Both my older sister and I are single and waiting to get married. I find myself anxious and worried all the time. I want/need to have bitachon in order to get me through this nisayon.
 My question is: What does bitachon mean in regards to shidduchim? Thank you.
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Yated Shidduch Forum 11/13/20: We Just Got a Yes for our Daughter, How Fast do we Need to Reply?

Question: Recently, when my daughter has been redd boys, I’ve been told that I need to give a yes or no within 24 hours. Is that normal? And do you think it’s reasonable to give 24 hours for someone to do shidduch research? Answer:
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Yated Shidduch Forum 11/6/20: Were We Cheated by Our Mechutanim?

Question: When our son got married, we were promised a certain amount of support per month for him from our mechutanim. We found out later that the girl's parents used her bank account to give the money. We felt like they were not honest with us. Is this typical in shidduchim? Is there anything to do?
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Yated Shidduch Forum 10/30/20: Are People in Shidduchim Focusing on the Wrong Things These Days?

Question: I’ve been married for ten years. My friend at work, who was single for a long time, recently got married. We are always trying to set up our friends and we noticed that people very often say no to the ideas we mention to them, giving very superficial reasons for doing so. Do you,...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 10/16/20: I Am Limited in my Dating Options due to Covid. How do I Properly Communicate This Challenge to Shadchanim?

Question: I am an easygoing out-of-towner who has been in shidduchim for a couple of years. With different Covid restrictions in different places, and each city responding differently, there are potential problems that can come up while traveling in to date. If I would have to fly in to date, according to state rules and CDC regulations, I...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 9/11/20: I Have the Perfect Idea but They Won’t Listen Because of my Age

Question: As someone living in the frum world, I see the constant need for shidduchim to be made. Boruch Hashem, I am part of a large mishpacha that includes aunts, uncles, cousins and siblings. This means davening at least twice a day for the day my relatives will announce their engagement.  I am a very social person by nature and "get" people. I noticed...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 9/4/20: Paying Shadchanim for Dates; Fair or Unfair?

Question:   Firstly, I want to thank all the shadchanim for their mesirus nefesh for Klal Yisroel.    I was recently speaking to a shadchan regarding my daughter's shidduchim and we were discussing the difficulties that many girls have getting dates. The shadchan told me that many parents pay shadchanim upwards of $800 just to get a first date, and it is understood that the shadchan will be compensated if...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 8/21/20: Is My School’s New Reputation Hurting my Shidduch Prospects?

Question: I have been dating for a couple of years now. I went to a seminary that now has a different kind of name – namely, a negative one.  I am a good girl and never had any issues. I have had plenty of boys say no to me because of my seminary. Some people have told...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 8/14/20: When to Make a Medical Disclosure

Question: It is common to have a dater disclose a medical issue to the other dater on the third, fourth or fifth date. I do not like to date a few times only to find out this information. I heard that some people ask about medical issues upfront in a way that halachically the reference has...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 8/7/20: When is it Time to Talk About Money?

Question: At what point should parents of a boy and a girl speak about money and support during a shidduch process? In our last two shidduchim, we didn’t do so till after our children were already getting engaged. In a sense, it was already too late. There were certain things that we would have wanted to be ironed...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 7/31/20: Am I Only Judged by my Weight?

Question:   Here's what I am:   I'm extremely capable. I'm smart, talented - in short, geshikt. I have a great personality, I’m happy, I have depth, I constantly work on myself, I’m disciplined and balanced and loving and nurturing and healthy. I have a much sought-after job and I truly feel like I’m maximizing my...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 7/24/20: Why do Boys Have to Say Yes First?

Question: As a boy in shidduchim, I am easily able to see the significant advantage that boys have over girls in getting dates. Usually, a boy will just have to flip through a pile of résumés and pick the one that he feels is most suited for him (which is actually harder than it seems. But...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 7/17/20: Maybe You Want to Check Him Out?

Question: My friend and I have been in shidduchim for some time. We have noticed that there are close friends and family who want to show that they care about us and therefore try redding shidduchim for us. I am under the impression that they mean well, but it doesn't necessarily come across in a pleasant way. They tend to...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 7/10/20: Why Did He Stop for Gas?

Question:   I recently went out with a boy, and on the way to drop me off at my home following the date, he stopped at a gas station to fill up on gas. He clearly had plenty of gas left in the car, but I guess he figured that it would be convenient to...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 4/17/20: Can I Dress Casually on a Date?

Question: Is there any place in frum dating for a “casual” date – that is, a date on which one need not dress formally (a suit and tie for a boy and an outfit for a girl), but one can dress more casually?
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Yated Shidduch Forum 4/10/20: Zoom Dating, Yay or Nay?

Question: Due to the coronavirus social distancing restrictions, should dates take place via Skype, Zoom, or even by phone? If dating already started, is there any benefit in continuing remotely? Any other advice for dating during these uncertain times?
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Yated Shidduch Forum 3/13/20: Should I Ask Her Where She Wants to Go on a Date?

Question: Reminiscing about our dating days, my husband and I have been debating the following: Should a boy ask a girl when he takes her out where she’d like to go? Or should he at least say, “I was thinking of going to ABC. Is that okay with you?”  My opinion is that, of course,...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 3/6/20: Can I Ask Him for a Ride to the Bus Station After the Date?

Question: Since I am an out-of-town girl in shidduchim, the following question has come up several times.  I usually make the effort to go in to the Tri-State area for the first two dates, as I know it is difficult for the boy to travel, miss yeshiva, etc. The means of transportation are either taking a bus...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 2/21/20: I Want a Dating Mentor, How do I Tell my Parents?

Question: 
My friend mentioned to me that she has a dating mentor and was raving about how beneficial it is and how her dating has totally changed. As someone dating for the last year and a half, I would like to have a dating mentor, because when I come home from a date and my mother...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 2/14/20: Asking for a Picture, but Refusing to Give One in Return

Question:   As a shadchan who has her own opinions about whether pictures should be shared when a shidduch is redd, I must point out that I have found, unequivocally, that the ones driving the need for pictures are not the boys, but their mothers. In almost every case, the boy is not involved in the process whatsoever at that...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 12/13/19: Can I Ask Him if He Davens With a Minyan?

Question:   My son, who boruch Hashem is an excellent boy, went out with a girl, who, on the first date, asked him if he davens with a minyan three times a day. My son, a superb and ehrliche ben Torah, has virtually not missed a minyan since his bar mitzvah. However, he was very turned off by the question, going so far as to...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 12/6/19: Indecision About Redding a Shidduch

Question:   Although I am not a shadchan, I try to keep an open eye for our young men and women still looking for "their right one.” I often find myself in the following predicament and would love some opinions and advice from the panel.    Sometimes I give a name to a parent/shadchan and they will...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 11/29/19: Always Worried About a Family Situation. When Should I Share the Information?

Question:   I'm a single girl in my early twenties. Boruch Hashem, I get dates often enough. My dating has been fairly typical, with some mutual no’s, some good tries, and some "no shaychus" dates.    The thing is that I have a family situation. It is not something that has to do with me personally, and...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 11/22/19: Why Won’t the Shadchan Call me Back?

Question:    What can I do to get a shadchan to return my calls? I understand that a shadchan cannot return every call, but sometimes?    And why is it that my friend's calls are always returned? On paper, there is no difference between our daughters. Both attended the same schools, both are bright and personable. Can the only...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 11/15/19: Am I Ready to Date?

Question: I'm a 23-year-old boy and still don't feel like I'm ready to get married. My parents tell me that I'm ready, but I'm unsure. Who's right?
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Yated Shidduch Forum 11/8/19: How Do I Cultivate a Meaningful Relationship During Dating?

Question: In the dating process, how does one turn a superficial, casual relationship into a real, deep, close one? I dated someone for a while and really liked him, but my biggest concern was that our relationship was hardly deeper or more personal on the 7th date than it was on the 2nd. I felt that...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 11/1/19: Breach of Confidentiality?

Question: I have heard lately that along with the growing use of “shidduch groups" to network and share résumés and information about singles for shidduchim, there has developed a situation whereby many singles who meet a shadchan privately end up getting posted and mass shared without having granted permission. When they find out, they are...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 10/4/19: Should A Shidduch That Requires More Work Call for Paying More Shadchanus?

Question:   The current structure of shadchanus of compensation upon a completed shidduch with nary an allowance for the level of difficulty in getting that particular shidduch off the ground would seem to discourage shadchanim from focusing the majority of their time on singles who are less easy to set up.    In addition, the current structure, which makes no allowance for the...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 9/27/19: How Can We Show Daters That We Really Care About Them?

Question: As shadchanim, it seems that singles confide in us. Perhaps you can share some ideas of how we can display our care for them. Are there things they want to hear or specific things they don’t want to hear? What can we do to show that we really care? 
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Yated Shidduch Forum 9/20/19: I Was Misled About a Shidduch; Can I Get Paid Back for My Expenses?

Question: Our son is learning in Eretz Yisroel, where he went out with a girl from America who was on vacation there. It was made clear to the girl’s family that our son is a very serious learner and wants to learn long-term. We told the shadchan this numerous times before and during the shidduch, and we asked...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 9/13/19: Hesitant About Parents Incurring Debt to Offer Support

Question: I'm a 20-year-old girl who has grown up in a home of Torah. My father is a hardworking person who learns during every minute he has available. We have a large family and my parents barely make ends meet. I want to marry a serious learner, but every boy asks if my parents will...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 8/16/19: Dating Someone Who Has Divorced Parents

Question:   As a bochur in shidduchim, from time to time I get redd girls whose parents are divorced. I wish to know what my parents can ask when finding out information about the girl and what I can discuss with the girl on a date that can determine whether she has a healthy perspective and understanding of a relationship...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 8/9/19: Time to Do Away With Shidduch Resume Pictures?

Question: As a shadchan for close to three decades, I would like to say that I've done a comparative study (it took about a second) and concluded that my having made 7 shidduchim before résumés with photos and one shidduch in the last 15 years is a clear sign that it is way harder to get a date off the ground these...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 8/2/19: Why I am Not Hearing About More Single Women?

Question:   As a bochur in shidduchim for some time, with many friends in the same situation, and hearing that there are many girls also looking for their zivugim, I was wondering if there is anything that could be done to address this matter.   A married friend of mine told me that his wife has friends in the parsha for over...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 7/26/19: My Relative “Just Doesn’t See the Shidduch.” What Should I Do?

Question:   A shadchan thinks of a shidduch and suggests the idea to both sides. The boy’s side calls the references and gets very good information. The girl’s parents contact the boy’s references and they are pleased with what they hear. After several phone calls, the boy discovers that one of his relatives knows the girl and her family. The...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 7/19/19: Can I Tell People That I am Dating?

Question:   Who's allowed to know when one is dating?   Assuming that a boy or girl should strive to have "minimal" research exposure regarding asking friends for info about others, how much can be shared about the dating process, such as asking an out-of-towner for info about a certain place, borrowing a gps/ties/games, notifying chavrusos/coworkers...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 7/12/19: Can I be Guaranteed of a Blissful Marriage From The Start?

Question:   I was very disturbed by a sign that someone recently posted in the yeshiva where I learn. He wrote that he was recently married and, within the first week of sheva brachos, his wife was crying and he couldn't figure out what he had done wrong. He goes on to write that after much money spent on...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 7/5/19: I Made My First Shidduch & I Can’t Stop Worrying About It. What Should I do?

Question:   Dear shadchanim,   I’m a young newlywed and I just made my first shidduch, boruch Hashem. It’s very exciting, but I have so much anxiety because I’m so nervous for it to work out. I feel like it’s on my head all day. Any advice? Is this normal?
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Yated Shidduch Forum 6/28/19: How Should I Be Comparing the People I Date to Each Other?

Question:   I recently went out with a girl and we had excellent conversation, but for whatever reason it didn't work out. More girls are being suggested, boruch Hashem, and the phone is ringing, so to speak.    What I'm wondering is whether I should allow the great conversations I had with the previous girl help me...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 6/21/19: How Should I Handle An Unexpected Encounter With My Ex or His/Her Parents?

Question:   What’s the protocol for when a boy bumps into the parents of a girl (or the girl herself) after having been on a few dates and the shidduch ended respectfully and/or mutually:

A) Ignore.  B) Turn red, avoid eye contact, and reverse course. 
C) Give a quick nod and move along. 
D) None of the above.    I’ve experienced this...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 6/14/19: Should There be a Freezer Period for Single Women Entering Shidduchim?

Question:   As my children are nearing shidduchim age, I am beginning to catch on to the lingo and accepted norms, and I'm gearing up for the parsha. I am aware of the "freezer" that is set up for boys upon their arrival home from Eretz Yisroel, which gives them time to settle down, think, adjust, and begin...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 6/7/19: Do I Always Need to Call the Resume References?

Question:   I was redd a shidduch by someone I trust. He knows the person well and was able to give us a very thorough picture of who the person is. My parents and I liked what we heard and called one or two people who are not on the résumé. They confirmed the positive information and we are...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 5/31/19: What is the Best Job For a Young Woman to Pursue?

Question: Nowadays, considering tuition and student loans, what would you say is a single girl’s best shot for a job after she's married? A teacher? A therapist? An office job?
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Yated Shidduch Forum 5/24/19: Chosson & Kallah Gifts

Question: What are the standard gifts that chassanim and kallahs today, in 2019, are supposed to give to each other from the time of their engagement until their wedding?
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Yated Shidduch Forum 5/17/19: Should I Be Talking To My Friends About Dating?

Question:   Is it okay to speak to my roommates or other friends about my dates? Sometimes, I feel like they just "get it" more than my parents do. Also, if they ever went out with the person I was redd to, they may be able to save me from a bad date. What do you feel?
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Yated Shidduch Forum 5/10/19: Should My Son Get Braces Before He Starts Dating?

Question: Dear Shadchanim, My son will be starting shidduchim sometime next year. While we are aware that looks and appearance are second to middos, I would like him to get Invisalign/braces to better enhance his features. Our dentist never felt that he needed braces, and though he has a beautiful smile, and his teeth are...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 5/3/19: Should Parents Meet Shadchanim Together With Their Children?

Question:   Is it better for a single to meet with a shadchan alone or with a parent? Answer:
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Yated Shidduch Forum 4/19/19: Can I Use My Cell Phone While On a Date?

Question:    Is there any place or time during a date, from the time the boy arrives at the girl’s house till he drops her off, that it is acceptable for either the boy or girl to be checking their cell phone for voicemails, text messages, WhatsApps and the like?    My thought process is...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 3/29/19: Is it Important to Share in Shabbos Meals During Engagement?

Question:   Thank you for an excellent column each week.   I recently heard that more and more parents of chassanim and kallos have been pushing for them to skip the Shabbos together at each other’s houses during the engagement. They say that spending Shabbos together at each other’s homes causes unneeded stress.    In your opinion, are there any benefits to having...
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The Shidduch Center of Baltimore and Its Dedicated Shadchanim

Over the past three years, thanks to unparalleled siyata deShmaya, The Shidduch Center of Baltimore has been zochehto set up well over 500 couples on dates, and has seen 56 of those dates result in marriages, all for families in our community. While this incredible outcome is certainly representative of the work of numerous shadchanim,...
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613 Seconds with The Shidduch Center

We spent some time with The Shidduch Center of Baltimore’s Executive Director, Shlomo Goldberger, to learn more about the The Shidduch Center, and the profound impact it is having on our community.
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Yated Shidduch Forum 3/22/19: How Can We Ensure That Our Shidduch Suggestions Are On Target?

Question: Our child has been in shidduchim for eight months and has gone out a few times, but for some reason, the suggestions and dates do not seem to be on target. It is almost like we haven't been able to effectively convey to people what it is that is right for our child, or perhaps we ourselves don't...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 3/8/19: Waiting for Months to Get a Date. What Can We Do?

Question: 
I have a really great daughter who has been in shidduchim for about two years. She has an amazing personality, went to a great school and seminary, has great friends, etc. The bottom line is that she’s a real catch. We have been to countless shadchanim and are involved in the community. People know who we are. So what...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 3/1/19: We Already Gave a Yes. Can We Change Our Minds?

Question: We gave a yes to a shidduch for our son, and as the girl’s side was checking out our son, the shadchan came back with a list of questions numerous times. We realized based on the questions that this was not a match. Both sides were looking for different attributes, and my son, in...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 2/22/19: Do I Really Need a New Hat for My Wedding?

Question: Boruch Hashem, I recently got engaged. A few of the expenses have made me wonder. Although my parents are in chinuch, we don't mind spending $1,600 on an engagement bracelet in order to ensure that my kallah is happy, because that is the norm and I don't want her to feel deprived. What bothers...
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Shidduch Center Dedicated Shadchanim: What are they doing & Why are they so important?

While many are aware of The Shidduch Center of Baltimore’s pioneering work, there are two questions that are frequently directed our way. First, what does it means to be a Dedicated Shidduch Center shadchan? And second, why is it so important that we have an organization in our city that formally employs shadchanim? Regarding the...
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The Shidduch Center: Creating and facilitating dating opportunities for Baltimore’s singles

Who is The Shidduch Center of Baltimore, Inc.? The Shidduch Center of Baltimore, Inc. was formed in February of 2008 as a non-profit organization dedicated to serving the dating needs of the single men and women in the Jewish community of Baltimore, MD.  Unprecedented Challenges, Unprecedented Solutions  The Shidduch Center is driven by the conviction...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 2/15/19: Single Men v. Single Women – Who Has It Easier In Shidduchim?

Question:   There is popular myth out there that it is easier to be a boy in shidduchim than a girl.   I am a (lucky) mother to have both a son and a daughter is shidduchim. Although it is a lot quieter on my daughter's end (which can be a challenge too), shidduchim takes a lot more of a toll on my son....
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Yated Shidduch Forum 2/8/19: Date 1 Was “DOA,” Should I Still Go On A Date 2?

Question: I recently went out with a girl and after five minutes knew that it was, what I call, "totally no shaychus," or "DOA.” For the duration of the date, I still tried to remain focused and polite and gave it my all. My feelings remained the same throughout the date, so I gave the...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 2/1/19: Traveling Out of Town for a Date, How Long Should I Stay?

Question: In the past, proper spacing between dates has been discussed.    I will iy”H be traveling by plane to date someone out-of-town. Should I be waiting around several days in a city I am not familiar with before I go on the next date? Would you advise me any differently than if I was dating in-town?
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Yated Shidduch Forum 1/25/19: Did He Call Too Soon?

Question: My son recently went out with a girl and, after the second date, asked her if he can call her. Usually, this type of thing is made up with the shadchan beforehand, but in this case, my son told me that he sensed that the first two dates went very well, and, feeling spontaneous,...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 1/18/19: How Should I Ask Questions on a Date?

Question: A friend of mine told me that when she dates, she will often ask the boy very pointed questions, such as: “If you could go back in time and meet anyone, who are some people you would choose and why?” “If you had so much money that you never needed to work a day...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 1/11/19: Day Dates or Night Dates, Which One is Better?

Question:   In my dating experience, I have found day dates to be much more productive and enjoyable than night dates. Maybe it is just a coincidence or perhaps there is something to it.   I was wondering if the panelists, with their vast experience, have found day dates to be more beneficial than night...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 1/4/19: Is it Acceptable to Redd a Shidduch Via Text Message?

Question:  I recently received a shidduch idea from a shadchan – by text. This was the first time I had ever received a shidduch redd by text message. The text said: “Hi, this is… I thought of a great shidduch idea for your son. I am sending a resume in the next text message.” A week later, I got another text asking...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 12/28/18: Should We Tell a Shadchan Up Front How Much We Can Afford for Shadchanus?

Question: We were recently redd a shidduch for our son by a shadchan who, I was told by others, often makes “rich” shidduchim and gets compensated substantially by the mechutanim. My husband and I are regular middle-class people who just get by. We happen to have a son who is a metzuyan, boruch Hashem, and so we have been getting a lot of redds, including from...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 12/21/18: Will Skipping Learning In Eretz Yisroel Harm My Shidduch Prospects?

Question: Recently, a Shidduch Forum question asked if not going to seminary will cause people to reject a shidduch. I would like to ask similarly: It is becoming increasingly popular for bochurim to skip going to Eretz Yisroel to learn. Do I have to be worried that if I don’t go to Eretz Yisroel, mothers – or girls – will...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 12/14/18: How Can I Get Better at Making Shidduchim?

Question: Many shadchanim have emphasized the need for more people to start making shidduch suggestions. With all the time I’ve put in, I have yet to set up a single date. However, when I’ve passed my ideas on to other people to actually redd them, my ideas have led to the boy/girl giving a yes, going out, etc. I primarily focus...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 12/7/18: Red Flags on a Date, Should I Say Something?

Question: I recently went out with a boy and noticed red flags in his middos to the extent that I felt I was being belittled and his manner was a bit threatening at one point. In addition, he put down a lot of my opinions in a bashing manner. I came out feeling that this is someone you don’t...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 11/30/18: Determining the Appropriate Amount for Shadchanus

Question:  When it comes to paying shadchanus, how should what is owed be determined when no price was specified? What determines the “going rate”? Answer: Before proceeding to address this question, and due to the potential halachic ramifications of doing so, I would like to make mention that the following was reviewed by a rov before...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 11/23/18: Can Better Dating Practices Help Reduce Divorce Rates?

Question: In light of statistics indicating that the divorce rate in the frum community is increasing, some askonim, rabbonim and community leaders are suggesting that there is something wrong with our dating system and that some of these heartbreaks could have been avoided. Do the panelists have any suggestions for better dating productivity to avoid, minimize, or reverse this regrettable trend?...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 11/16/18: Will Skipping Seminary Harm My Shidduch Prospects?

Question: I’m a 12th grader from an out-of-town community considering seminary next year. From a shidduch perspective, does it make such a difference if I don’t go? I heard that one of the first questions mothers ask when researching girls for their sons is which seminary she went to. I just don’t have an interest in going to...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 11/9/18: My Future Father-In-Law Is Anti-Vaccinations. What Now?

Question: I have gone out with a girl who mentioned on a date that her father doesn’t believe in vaccinating. “But he’s not the type to tell other people what to do,” she said. [His children were all vaccinated. Apparently, his views on the matter changed after his children had grown up.] Like my parents...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 11/2/18: Do You Want to See My Bracelet?

Question: I went on a date and was very disturbed when the girl asked me, “Do you want to see my bracelet?” And she rolled up her sleeve and showed it to me. I was very disturbed. How should I have reacted? Maybe she was just nervous and not thinking straight. Should I be concerned? Answer:...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 10/26/18: Giving a “Yes” to More Than One Suggestion at the Same Time?

Question: Dear Esteemed Panelists, I read this column religiously and appreciate the insightful and rich ideas to which I’m exposed on a weekly basis.  I hope that you will be able to provide the same meaningful answer not only to my particular question, but to the broader public, some of whom may be experiencing a...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 10/19/18: Nervous About an Over-The-Top Proposal

Question: I am going out with a boy and things are going very well. Barring any disappointments, our dating will likely end in engagement. I am petrified of an extravagant proposal. I know that it’s in style and some even anticipate it, but I don’t. I would appreciate a quiet, simple proposal, nothing fancy or...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 10/12/18: Hung Up On Yichus?

Question: With children in shidduchim, I often encounter the issue of yichus. I am wondering if you, as shadchanim, find that people are hung up on this. Interestingly, I recently read that someone asked Rav Avigdor Miller zt”l how much emphasis they should put on yichus when choosing a shidduch. Rav Miller responded that if the yichus is that the girl “comes from good parents, her father is...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 9/21/18: Am I Leading Him On If I Say Yes?

Question: Ayala receives a yes from Binyomin. Ayala and her parents do some checking and are really unsure as to the viability of this being a match for her. Ayala feels that there is less than a 50% chance that anything will come out of their meeting. Would Ayala be leading Binyomin on if she...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 9/7/18: In Search of Chizuk

Question: Hi. I look forward to read your column in the Yated each week. It’s very interesting and has been helpful to me with my dating difficulties.  I’m an older single girl in my low thirties facing the hardship of being single for a number of years. Plus, I was previously engaged just about five years ago,...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 8/31/18: He Slipped Off His Shoes on a Date; Deal Breaker?

Question: I went on a date with a boy and it went well. We will be going out again. On the first date, however, he kept slipping off his slip-on shoes under the table. I know that people who wear slip-ons sometimes do that, but having it being done on a date really bothered me....
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Yated Shidduch Forum 8/24/18: How to Confirm Financial Support?

Question: I have two married daughters who my wife and I help support. Our son is now in shidduchim, and while we are not looking to “put him up for sale,” we would like some assurance that the other side will at least provide some support. (Our financial situation is very tight.) I have a relative...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 8/17/18: An Unexpected Language Barrier

Question: I went out with a girl two times and the dates went well. However, during our conversations, she kept using certain phrases, like “Oh my gosh,” and “It was sooo amazing” and, most of all, “like.” I was like no way. I was like are you kidding? I was like this… I was like that… I...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 8/10/18: What to do When Younger Siblings Protest a Shidduch Idea?

Question: A shidduch was redd to our son and we are considering giving a yes. Everything sounds great. However, two of my other sons, ages 18 and 20, found out about the shidduch and are adamantly against it. They say that they “know the girl’s brothers from camp” and there is “no way” the shidduch can proceed. “You can’t be serious,” “They’re not...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 8/3/18: Scary Driving on a Date

Question: What should a young lady do if she went on a first date with a young man and would like to continue, but his driving really scares her? Answer: That a young man adopted driving habits which are conspicuously more liberal than those of the young woman he is dating is not exceptionally surprising...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 7/27/18: Who Should Be The Shadchan?

Question: My husband and I often come up with shidduchim suggestions for singles we know, but we aren’t comfortable or experienced enough to serve as the shadchan. As such, we prefer to pass on the shidduch to more experienced, well-known shadchanim to handle the shidduch. Would it be better for the shidduch for us to hand it over to very well-known “big name” shadchanim or an experienced shadchan who...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 7/20/18: Does Every Dater Need a Dating Coach

Question: Recently, one of the panelists stated the following: “I understand that you may have begun dating feeling somewhat tense. Now that you are feeling more comfortable with yourself, it doesn’t mean that you are a better dater. If you were, you wouldn’t be dating anymore. You’d be married. Feeling more comfortable simply means that...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 7/13/18: Picky Parents = Picky Daters?

Question:  As a shadchan, I wish to bring to a light a reality that I’ve seen time and again. Parents have a fine son or daughter, who they think the world of. They set the bar extremely high, turning down shidduchim right and left, because the people being redd lack the prerequisites (name recognition, yichus, money, etc.) they are seeking...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 7/6/18: Should I Go on a Second or Third Date? How to Decide?

Question: A common quandary in shidduchim is whether to go out on a second (or, at times, a third) date.  The hadracha provided in this forum is to, barring any obvious red flags, go out again as meaningful relationships require some time to blossom.  I would like to suggest a process singles can follow that would significantly alleviate the...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 6/29/18: Am I Too Chilled About Dating?

Question: As a boy in shidduchim for a number of years already, I noticed something about myself: I no longer go on dates with “jitters.” Unfortunately, it is almost like I am going on a business meeting or family outing. As a result, I am much more natural, must less rehearsed, than when I started shidduchim. I am...
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Is It Really Okay That We Share Pictures For A Shidduch?

Question: Girls in shidduchim seem to be asked for pictures of themselves all the time by shadchanim and others, and not just a picture, but a “nice one” and a “casual one.” As a girl in shidduchim, I am perplexed. What has the world come to? Last I checked, there are no pictures of women and girls in Torah publications, like the Yated,...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 6/15/18: Why is the Clothing I Wear on a Date Such a Big Deal?

Question:             As a boy, I’m really irked that people make such a big deal about the clothing that I wear on a pegisha (date). They say that it’s integral that I mamish “wow” the meduberes on first sight.                 Charles Tyrwhitt shirt? Check!              Dry cleaned suit? Check! Hat lookin’ spic n’ span? Check!              You get the gist.              So my question is this:...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 6/8/18: Long Dates & Uncomfortable Venues; Why Must It Be That Way?

Question: Having been in the parsha for quite a while already, I’ve noticed a few disturbing things and I would like to air them:  Why are we being told by shadchanim to go on extremely long dates? Which bochur has ever had a conversation with a friend of his for 5+ hours? Why are we being told to go to restaurants,...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 6/1/18: Should I Be Expecting More?

Question: I met a very nice, sincere gentleman. From the time I was out with him, I could tell that he is a sincere, kind, thoughtful, growing person, who has his values straight and holds his own. He has a good job, a good learning situation, and friends, and I see that he is a...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 5/18/18: Why is Hashem Doing This to Me?

Question: My daughter is a great girl, who has been sitting at home for several years, waiting for her shidduch. As time goes on, she is getting more broken. What should I tell my daughter when she asks: “Why is Hashem doing this to me?” Answer: In a very real sense, this is the most trying...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 5/11/18: We Gave a Yes, Why is He Delaying?

Question: My 27-year-old single daughter can often wait for weeks before any suitable shidduchim are suggested. Three weeks ago, she got three yeses in one day. After spending much time investigating the suggestions and then giving our yes to one of them, the shadchan notified us that the boy would not be able to meet our daughter until after Lag...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 5/4/18: Differentiating Between Wants & Needs

Question: I’ve heard from shadchanim, read in articles, and heard in shmuessen that there are “boys in their thirties who are still single because they say no to every girl they go out with.” There’s also the famous story about the Steipler Gaon zt”l, who reportedly told a yeshiva bochur that he did meet his bashert but said no to her. I personally know numerous older...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 4/27/18: How to Respond to an Anonymous Caller Researching a Shidduch

Question: I am a bochur who often gets calls about friends of mine in shidduchim. I am happy to serve as a reference for them. However, I ask the people calling me for information to identify themselves and tell me what their relationship with the girl in question is. I do this because otherwise I feel uncomfortable sharing...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 4/20/18: Moving on After Rejection

Question: I recently went out with a girl seven times and everything was amazing, at least from my perspective. Everything seemed to be progressing smoothly and I was starting to get really excited. Then, without giving a reason, she said no. I was dismayed, to say the least. Boruch Hashem, I got over it relatively quickly...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 4/13/18: Revisiting a Dropped Shidduch

Question: I have lately noticed questions and responses that discuss “revisiting” a shidduch idea that has been shelved either before or after meeting. I am surprised by the simplicity with which the concept is dealt with in the responses. You would think that it is a straightforward and easily doable process. However, both in my personal experience,...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 3/30/18: Should Shadchanim be Speaking to the Daters or the Parents?

Question: Our twenty-four-year-old son has gone out with a girl three times. The first date went really well. The second date was pretty good and the third date was so-so. The shadchan asked permission to speak directly to our son to get a better sense of what is taking place on the dates, with the goal of...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 3/23/18: Proper Nomenclature for Single Men & Women in Shidduchim

Question: I would like to start by thanking you for your very informative advice and guidance.  There is one thing that does irk me slightly, but it is not exclusive to this forum. Why is it that the young men and women who are making the biggest decisions of their lives are constantly referred to...
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