Website sponsored by Mr. & Mrs. Malkiel Goldberger in honor of their precious children
info@shidduchcenter.org | 443.955.9887
Website sponsored by Mr. & Mrs. Malkiel Goldberger in honor of their precious children
info@shidduchcenter.org | 443.955.9887

Published Articles

Yated Shidduch Forum 5/13/22: Are People Too Negative When They Speak About Shidduchim?

Question: One of the most unfortunate lines that I keep hearing from parents of boys and girls alike is, "We can't wait to be out of shidduchim," or, "I feel such a load off my shoulders in between my children who are dating." Is there any way to spin the process into a lighter, more...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 4/22/22: His References are Not Answering the Phone. What Should We Do?

Question: 
If a bochur’s shidduch references do not pick up the phone right away or after repeated calls, or they don’t give enough information, should I proceed with a first date? Or should I discard the shidduch suggestion?
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Yated Shidduch Forum 4/8/22: Are People in Shidduchim Being Overly Picky?

Question:   In Rav Chaim Kanievsky on Shidduchim, Rabbi Naftali Weinberger relates that Rav Chaim zt”l said, and I quote, “There is no way to know for sure that this is one’s intended shidduch other than to marry the person.” Furthermore, Rav Chaim said, “Though a Heavenly voice decrees whom one will marry, it is possible for a person...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 3/25/22: Are Bachurim in Lakewood Only Dating Young Women In Lakewood?

Question:   I have been redding shidduchim for a number of years and successfully made a number of shidduchim. Recently, I have been hearing from mothers of Lakewood boys that they are only looking into Lakewood girls. I have heard this multiple times. I am assuming that these mothers are looking for the convenience of not shlepping for a date and eventually for the...
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Are Working Boys Getting Left Out in the Cold?

Question:   After being on the shidduch market a bit as a working boy, it is obvious to me that there are many more working boys than there are girls who want working boys. My question is: what is happening to these boys? What hope is there for them?

 I've noticed that the girls who are interested...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 3/4/22: A Shadchan Emailed Us a Stack of Résumés, and Later on, a Friend Redd the Same Shidduch. Who is Owed Shadchanus?

Question: A century ago, redding a shidduch required significant effort on the shadchan’s behalf, traveling to someone’s home across town or even traveling for days to another town to relay information. Nowadays, shidduch résumé sharing occurs with little effort and sometimes no thought. A mother with a boy in shidduchim told me that a shadchan shared with her 15 girls’ shidduch profiles in one day. This is what...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 2/25/22: Should We Tell Shadchanim That Our Son Wants to Live in Eretz Yisroel?

Question: Our son would like to live in Eretz Yisroel after he gets married. He says that this is very important to him. For how long? No one knows. But he definitely wants to start off there. Is this something we should tell shadchanim when they first redd a shidduch? Or is it something better left for our son to...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 2/18/22: How Can I Get Families to Take My Shidduch Suggestions Seriously?

Question: I have been involved in redding shidduchim for a few years and boruch Hashem have made a few. I try to be quite deliberate when I suggest shidduchim. I don’t just throw out names, but rather make suggestions that to me seem to be the right type for what each side is looking for. Yet, often, it is a...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 1/28/22: How Should I Write a Shidduch Resume?

Question: My husband and I are trying to put together a shidduch résumé, but are not seeing eye-to-eye as to what should be included. I believe that a résumé should give basic points about the person in shidduchim and his/her immediate family. When I drafted the résumé, it ran about two-thirds of a page. My husband wants to include more...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 1/21/22: Was She Wrong to Reject the Shidduch?

Question: I got a 22-year-old girl to go out with a 27-year-old boy. Everything went very well and they both really wanted to get engaged. The girl asked that he commits to 5 years of learning. The boy said that even though he is a very serious learner, he doesn't want to commit to another 5 years because he...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 1/14/22: Am I Sacrificing my Ruchniyus by Dating a Part-Time Learner?

Question:   I hope you can help me out with my dilemma. I have been in shidduchim for a few years already. I was recently redd to two different boys. One is learning full-time. The other is learning part-time and working the other part of the day.
I was always looking for a full-time learner. However, the boy who is learning...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 12/17/21: Are Her Shidduch References Being Lazy?

Question: As the mother of a boy, I would like to raise a problem that I face while trying to gather information about a girl. Too often, I call a reference who answers the phone, and I tell her that I am calling for shidduch information. Before even giving her the girl’s name, she says, “Sorry, I...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 12/10/21: How Can I Reintroduce a Previously Rejected Shidduch Idea to my Family?

Question: To the esteemed panelists: It is admirable and appreciated that so many people want to suggest shidduchim, but unless the shadchan is extremely close to the single, they would not know if the single is currently dating someone, just finished a difficult dating situation and needs a break, or for any other reason might not be open to...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 11/26/21: A Kinder Gentler Way to Redd Shidduchim?

Question: To the esteemed panelists: It is admirable and appreciated that so many people want to suggest shidduchim, but unless the shadchan is extremely close to the single, they would not know if the single is currently dating someone, just finished a difficult dating situation and needs a break, or for any other reason might not be open to...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 11/19/21: I’m Not Having Any Success as a Shadchan. Should I Just Quit Already?

Question:   I have been redding shidduchim in my spare time for well over a decade, amounting to hundreds of suggestions. I've yet to make a shidduch.    My husband keeps encouraging me to continue, because it's a big zechus, and one day I’ll finally succeed, but I think I’m done. I feel that it's kind of like if someone...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 11/5/21: What Information can be Disclosed When Receiving a Call About a Shidduch?

Question: My son was recently redd a shidduch, and I called a friend of the girl, who answered all my questions. Then, at the end of the conversation, she said, "I am sure you know that one of the siblings has an emotional issue.”   What, as a parent, am I supposed to do with a comment like that?...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 10/29/21: Should A Young Single Woman buy Her Own Home as a Rental Property?

Question:   I have a wonderful 23-year-old daughter who is currently in shidduchim. She has been working for about 4 years so far and has a large sum of money in her savings account by now. We hope that she will be married soon, but we do not know Hashem's plans.    I feel that it...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 10/22/21: To Go Into the Freezer or Not to Go Into the Freezer?

Question:   This question is no longer relevant to us, as you’ll see, but it may be applicable to others.    Before Yom Tov, our son came back from learning in Eretz Yisroel. We were unsure if we should have him go out right away or if we should wait until after the “freezer.” On one...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 10/15/21: The Shadchanim Were So Eager to Meet Our Son. But for Our Daughter, We Just Cannot Get Through. What Gives?

Question:   My wife and I have a wonderful daughter who, boruch Hashem, has all the qualities and attributes that a Bas Yisroel should possess. She comes from a home that has invested in her totally (as many other homes have invested in their children). My wife and I are both professionals. We are both products of the yeshiva system....
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Yated Shidduch Forum 9/17/21: Should Parents Meet a Prospective Shidduch Before Saying Yes?

Question: I’ve long wondered about the following. How come we, as parents, allow our children to go out with those whom we have never met before? What I mean is that when a shidduch is redd, we do research, and then, if we like what we hear, we give a yes and the boy and girl go out....
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Yated Shidduch Forum 9/3/21: Hishtadlus & Emunah: How Proactive Should We Be When it Comes to Shidduchim?

Question:   When I embarked on shidduchim with my daughter two years ago, I sought to understand the correct “mehalech.” My husband spoke to gedolim such as Rav Chaim Kanievsky, Rav Mordechai Brim, Rav Michel Stern and others, and each one told us the same thing, namely, that bas ploni l’ploni, meaning that her zivug is already prepared and the ultimate hishtadlus is to...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 8/20/21: Do I Have to Start Dating Right After Seminary?

Question:   In today’s times, it is expected that girls follow a system - elementary school, high school, seminary, and then shidduchim. What if, upon return from seminary, a girl (or her parents) feels that she is not yet ready to start shidduchim? How can she navigate our cookie-cutter society, which looks askance at anything that is...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 8/13/21: Ok to Use First Names on a Date?

Question:   Should a boy or girl ever call each other by their first name to each other at any point during dating? Or should they avoid having to do so for tznius reasons?
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Yated Shidduch Forum 7/30/21: What Sacrifices Will I Need to Make for the Kollel Life?

Question:   I am a girl in shidduchim who is proudly looking for a learning boy. I understand the zechus of marrying and supporting a husband who spends his days immersed in limud HaTorah. But what are the sacrifices? As experienced shadchanim, can you describe, in brief, what sacrifices I may have to make in order to take on this important...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 7/23/21: Is It Ok for a Shadchan To End a Shidduch Via Text?

Question: As a bochur who has been dating for a while, I feel compelled to ask: Is it not basic kavod habrios that if one side would not like to continue a shidduch, the shadchan should call the other party to inform them? I have been told many times via a brief text from the shadchan that a shidduch that felt promising to me is no...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 7/16/21: Should I Take a Personality Test To Become a Better Dater?

Question: I was wondering what the panel thinks about taking a personality test before starting the dating process to help understand one’s own personality and what kind of person one would align with. It would also probably help shadchanim match people up. What are your feelings about this idea?
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Yated Shidduch Forum 7/9/21: Closing In On 30 and Totally Confused. Please Help

Question: I'm a twenty-seven-year-old boy and I have been dating for over five years. At this point, my head is spinning. I have been out with so many girls, and after every time, I find myself more confused that I don't even know what I am looking for. I believe that I have to go back from...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 7/2/21: I Keep Getting Shidduch Calls About My Friends. Why Does No-One Trust Me?

Question: For the past few months, I have received numerous phone calls about shidduch references for my friends whom I have not seen or spoken to ever since the coronavirus hemorrhaged all of our social lives. Even after I say nice things about my friends, the girls or their mothers decide that the prospect is not shayach simply because...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 6/25/21: Should Single Women Start Paying for the Second Date?

Question: I am an independent shadchan in Flatbush and recently have been getting complaints from older single boys who have been getting pushed into dating older single girls. The girls are clamoring to get a date with these boys, but once they get the date going, usually after the second or third date, they are the ones...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 6/18/21: No Reason to Say No, but Also No Reason to Say Yes. What Now?

Question: I've gone out with a boy a few times. He’s nice and we have interesting conversations, but I feel so stressed when I think about going further, because I'm just not sure if he is someone I want to marry. There is nothing wrong with him, per se, and I don't even know why...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 6/11/21: Should Daters Be Speaking to Each Other Directly Before They Are Engaged?

Question: I’m interested in reading the opinions of the panelists regarding boys and girls exchanging phone numbers before they are fully ready to get engaged. Personally, I feel that breaking down this barrier causes unnecessary anguish if the shidduch doesn't work out, and it also forces the two of them to share their feelings about how it...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 5/21/21: Can You Provide Chizuk & Eitzah for Those With Disabilities?

Question: Perhaps the panelists can give some chizuk to those with disabilities. Many in our community feel discouraged due to being different themselves or having a sibling who is "different.” Do you have any tips in navigating a world that can sometimes be judgmental to those who are not the same as most other people?
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Yated Shidduch Forum 5/14/21: How About Sending Shidduch Videos Instead of Shidduch Pictures?

Question: I thought of an idea to help address our shidduchim needs. Why not have boys/girls send in a short clip of themselves talking about themselves and what they are looking for in a shidduch and their priorities? This would be very helpful in preventing DOA shidduch dates and would have a lot more people...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 4/30/21: We Got a Yes and Then They Backed Out. Is That Allowed?

Question: I recently redd a shidduch to a talmid of mine. His mother got back to me before Yom Tov, telling me that she was interested in her son meeting the girl who I had suggested. I let the girl’s family know right away and waited to hear back from them. Even though it was a busy week of Yom Tov, they got...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 4/9/21: Should We Be Paying Shadchanim A Whole Lot More Money?

Question: I recently worked hard and made a shidduch, and each side paid me $1,100. While I know that that’s a lot of money, in my opinion it’s not enough to get me to continue to make more shidduchim. Is it perhaps time, in the year 2021, to up the shadchan’s money to $2,500 from each side? $1,100...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 3/26/21: 5-Minute Interviews; Do Shadchanim Really Understand Me?

Question: I recently started the parsha of shidduchim. I have met with several shadchanim since I got back from Eretz Yisroel. While some of them sat down to speak to me, some merely bumped into me and asked me my name, where I learned, and what my parents do. Then these shadchanim began sending résumés to my mother.  My question is: Do...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 3/19/21: The Shadchan Told Us We Have “No Chance.” What Now?

Question:   My wife has a sister who has been in shidduchim for over four years. We work tirelessly to try to get her married. It has happened numerous times that when we contact shadchanim to redd a certain shidduch to the boy’s side, they refuse to even redd it, claiming that we have “no chance.”  Is that the way it is supposed to go?...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 3/12/21: Should We Splurge on Seminary for Better Shidduch Prospects?

Question: I am an out-of-town mother. Due to financial difficulties, it would be a major strain on us to send our daughter to a “top” seminary, but we feel obligated as parents to accept this due to the fact that these days, our daughter may have difficulties getting a good shidduch. Does the panel think that...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 3/5/21: What is the Point of All this Dating??

Question: I'm a chassidishe lady married nine years. When I was 21 years old, my parents found a shidduch that matched the picture I had in my head as to what type of boy I wanted to marry. I had three “beshows” and got engaged. (I actually believe that the third beshow was a waste of time.) I am very happily married.  I...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 2/26/21: Why Does No-one Ever Call Me Back?

Question: I spoke to the mother of a boy to find out some details about her son to see if he would be a shidduch for my friend. (This boy is my brother’s friend.) After I had asked all my questions, I emailed her with the résumé of my friend. After about a week, she...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 2/19/21: Are We Dating in the Wrong Places and for Too Long?

Question: As a shadchan who has been involved in shidduchim for many years I feel deep empathy for the wonderful people who are waiting so long to find their bashertes. I think that the time has come to rethink what have become the "norms" in dating. It's true that we're in 2020 and the world...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 2/12/21: Thinking of Moving Out of My Parent’s House. Will this Negatively Impact My Shidduch Prospects?

Question: 
I am a single yeshivishe woman in my early 30's. As I am an adult, I believe that at this point it is appropriate to move out of my parents' house and create my own living quarters, regardless of whether I have a husband by my side. All of my single friends either live on their...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 2/5/21: How Do I Know if I Should Say Yes to a Date with Someone Who Already Has Children from a Previous Marriage?

Question: I am a single young man who is divorced. I was married for less than a year and do not have children. Some of the shidduchim being redd to me are wonderful young women who have a child or two. How am I supposed to know if I should be considering a shidduch with someone who has children? I understand that being...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 1/22/21: Many of the People I Dated Have Real Problems. How Can I Best Bring This to Their Attention?

Question: I've been dating for a number of years now and have met all kinds of people from different walks of life. It seems to me that some of the young men I happened to meet are so eager to marry and build a family that they get caught in their blinding desire and don't...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 1/8/21: Are We Overeducating Our Daughter’s?

Question: Like many people, I try from time to time to suggest shidduchim to singles I know. In the majority of cases, it's the girl’s side who rejects the suggestion based on the fact that the boy isn't spiritually suitable for them. It may be that the boy is learning in yeshiva but also attending school to learn a vocation...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 1/1/21: Leaving Without Saying Goodbye?

Question: On several occasions, my son has had girls run out of his car after a date. He tells the girl that he had a nice date, and then, for example, he adds that he’ll call her (if that’s where they’re up to), and she flies out of the car without a proper good night. ...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 12/25/20: Why Must a First Date Take so Long?

Dear Panelists, I am a single girl in shidduchim. I have an idea and I’m curious to hear what you think of it.  In my circles, it’s accepted that the first date is three hours long. Between driving to the hotel (or wherever people go now that hotels are closed), spending time there and driving back,...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 12/18/20: Our Daughter Has Only Gotten 1 Yes in Over Two Years. Are There Just Not Enough Bachurim?

Question: My daughter comes from a choshuve home and family, she is a very good eligible girl, and we are offering money. And yet, in the two years+ that she is back from seminary, she only got one yes! What is going on? My friends and neighbors tell me that they have the same problem with their...
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613 Seconds with The Shidduch Center of Baltimore

We spoke with The Shidduch Center to learn about their vital mission and the impact of COVID on dating. How does The Shidduch Center serve the Baltimore community? Rabbi Shlomo Goldberger, Executive Director In a nutshell, the recipe is simple...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 12/11/20: My Date got Cancelled. Was I Unfairly Treated?

Question: I would like to start off by saying thank you to all the wonderful shadchanim on this panel for their constant efforts to think of and guide singles in the complex world of shidduchim.   Although this is not something I will typically do, there are times when one might go beyond their comfort zone to help...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 12/4/20: Should the Personal Preferences of a Parent be Taken Into Account when Looking Into a Shidduch?

Question: When considering shidduchim for my daughter, how and when may I take the interests of my wife and myself into the equation? For example, say a shidduch is redd from out of town and my wife and I don't want to consider out of town because of the practical difficulties it will entail, is...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 11/20/20: Feeling Anxious All the Time; How Do I Develop & Maintain Bitachon While in Shidduchim?

Question: Both my older sister and I are single and waiting to get married. I find myself anxious and worried all the time. I want/need to have bitachon in order to get me through this nisayon.
 My question is: What does bitachon mean in regards to shidduchim? Thank you.
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Yated Shidduch Forum 11/13/20: We Just Got a Yes for our Daughter, How Fast do we Need to Reply?

Question: Recently, when my daughter has been redd boys, I’ve been told that I need to give a yes or no within 24 hours. Is that normal? And do you think it’s reasonable to give 24 hours for someone to do shidduch research? Answer:
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Yated Shidduch Forum 11/6/20: Were We Cheated by Our Mechutanim?

Question: When our son got married, we were promised a certain amount of support per month for him from our mechutanim. We found out later that the girl's parents used her bank account to give the money. We felt like they were not honest with us. Is this typical in shidduchim? Is there anything to do?
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Yated Shidduch Forum 10/30/20: Are People in Shidduchim Focusing on the Wrong Things These Days?

Question: I’ve been married for ten years. My friend at work, who was single for a long time, recently got married. We are always trying to set up our friends and we noticed that people very often say no to the ideas we mention to them, giving very superficial reasons for doing so. Do you,...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 10/16/20: I Am Limited in my Dating Options due to Covid. How do I Properly Communicate This Challenge to Shadchanim?

Question: I am an easygoing out-of-towner who has been in shidduchim for a couple of years. With different Covid restrictions in different places, and each city responding differently, there are potential problems that can come up while traveling in to date. If I would have to fly in to date, according to state rules and CDC regulations, I...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 9/11/20: I Have the Perfect Idea but They Won’t Listen Because of my Age

Question: As someone living in the frum world, I see the constant need for shidduchim to be made. Boruch Hashem, I am part of a large mishpacha that includes aunts, uncles, cousins and siblings. This means davening at least twice a day for the day my relatives will announce their engagement.  I am a very social person by nature and "get" people. I noticed...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 9/4/20: Paying Shadchanim for Dates; Fair or Unfair?

Question:   Firstly, I want to thank all the shadchanim for their mesirus nefesh for Klal Yisroel.    I was recently speaking to a shadchan regarding my daughter's shidduchim and we were discussing the difficulties that many girls have getting dates. The shadchan told me that many parents pay shadchanim upwards of $800 just to get a first date, and it is understood that the shadchan will be compensated if...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 8/21/20: Is My School’s New Reputation Hurting my Shidduch Prospects?

Question: I have been dating for a couple of years now. I went to a seminary that now has a different kind of name – namely, a negative one.  I am a good girl and never had any issues. I have had plenty of boys say no to me because of my seminary. Some people have told...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 8/14/20: When to Make a Medical Disclosure

Question: It is common to have a dater disclose a medical issue to the other dater on the third, fourth or fifth date. I do not like to date a few times only to find out this information. I heard that some people ask about medical issues upfront in a way that halachically the reference has...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 8/7/20: When is it Time to Talk About Money?

Question: At what point should parents of a boy and a girl speak about money and support during a shidduch process? In our last two shidduchim, we didn’t do so till after our children were already getting engaged. In a sense, it was already too late. There were certain things that we would have wanted to be ironed...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 7/31/20: Am I Only Judged by my Weight?

Question:   Here's what I am:   I'm extremely capable. I'm smart, talented - in short, geshikt. I have a great personality, I’m happy, I have depth, I constantly work on myself, I’m disciplined and balanced and loving and nurturing and healthy. I have a much sought-after job and I truly feel like I’m maximizing my...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 7/24/20: Why do Boys Have to Say Yes First?

Question: As a boy in shidduchim, I am easily able to see the significant advantage that boys have over girls in getting dates. Usually, a boy will just have to flip through a pile of résumés and pick the one that he feels is most suited for him (which is actually harder than it seems. But...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 7/17/20: Maybe You Want to Check Him Out?

Question: My friend and I have been in shidduchim for some time. We have noticed that there are close friends and family who want to show that they care about us and therefore try redding shidduchim for us. I am under the impression that they mean well, but it doesn't necessarily come across in a pleasant way. They tend to...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 7/10/20: Why Did He Stop for Gas?

Question:   I recently went out with a boy, and on the way to drop me off at my home following the date, he stopped at a gas station to fill up on gas. He clearly had plenty of gas left in the car, but I guess he figured that it would be convenient to...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 4/17/20: Can I Dress Casually on a Date?

Question: Is there any place in frum dating for a “casual” date – that is, a date on which one need not dress formally (a suit and tie for a boy and an outfit for a girl), but one can dress more casually?
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Yated Shidduch Forum 4/10/20: Zoom Dating, Yay or Nay?

Question: Due to the coronavirus social distancing restrictions, should dates take place via Skype, Zoom, or even by phone? If dating already started, is there any benefit in continuing remotely? Any other advice for dating during these uncertain times?
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Yated Shidduch Forum 3/13/20: Should I Ask Her Where She Wants to Go on a Date?

Question: Reminiscing about our dating days, my husband and I have been debating the following: Should a boy ask a girl when he takes her out where she’d like to go? Or should he at least say, “I was thinking of going to ABC. Is that okay with you?”  My opinion is that, of course,...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 3/6/20: Can I Ask Him for a Ride to the Bus Station After the Date?

Question: Since I am an out-of-town girl in shidduchim, the following question has come up several times.  I usually make the effort to go in to the Tri-State area for the first two dates, as I know it is difficult for the boy to travel, miss yeshiva, etc. The means of transportation are either taking a bus...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 2/21/20: I Want a Dating Mentor, How do I Tell my Parents?

Question: 
My friend mentioned to me that she has a dating mentor and was raving about how beneficial it is and how her dating has totally changed. As someone dating for the last year and a half, I would like to have a dating mentor, because when I come home from a date and my mother...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 2/14/20: Asking for a Picture, but Refusing to Give One in Return

Question:   As a shadchan who has her own opinions about whether pictures should be shared when a shidduch is redd, I must point out that I have found, unequivocally, that the ones driving the need for pictures are not the boys, but their mothers. In almost every case, the boy is not involved in the process whatsoever at that...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 12/13/19: Can I Ask Him if He Davens With a Minyan?

Question:   My son, who boruch Hashem is an excellent boy, went out with a girl, who, on the first date, asked him if he davens with a minyan three times a day. My son, a superb and ehrliche ben Torah, has virtually not missed a minyan since his bar mitzvah. However, he was very turned off by the question, going so far as to...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 12/6/19: Indecision About Redding a Shidduch

Question:   Although I am not a shadchan, I try to keep an open eye for our young men and women still looking for "their right one.” I often find myself in the following predicament and would love some opinions and advice from the panel.    Sometimes I give a name to a parent/shadchan and they will...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 11/29/19: Always Worried About a Family Situation. When Should I Share the Information?

Question:   I'm a single girl in my early twenties. Boruch Hashem, I get dates often enough. My dating has been fairly typical, with some mutual no’s, some good tries, and some "no shaychus" dates.    The thing is that I have a family situation. It is not something that has to do with me personally, and...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 11/22/19: Why Won’t the Shadchan Call me Back?

Question:    What can I do to get a shadchan to return my calls? I understand that a shadchan cannot return every call, but sometimes?    And why is it that my friend's calls are always returned? On paper, there is no difference between our daughters. Both attended the same schools, both are bright and personable. Can the only...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 11/15/19: Am I Ready to Date?

Question: I'm a 23-year-old boy and still don't feel like I'm ready to get married. My parents tell me that I'm ready, but I'm unsure. Who's right?
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Yated Shidduch Forum 11/8/19: How Do I Cultivate a Meaningful Relationship During Dating?

Question: In the dating process, how does one turn a superficial, casual relationship into a real, deep, close one? I dated someone for a while and really liked him, but my biggest concern was that our relationship was hardly deeper or more personal on the 7th date than it was on the 2nd. I felt that...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 11/1/19: Breach of Confidentiality?

Question: I have heard lately that along with the growing use of “shidduch groups" to network and share résumés and information about singles for shidduchim, there has developed a situation whereby many singles who meet a shadchan privately end up getting posted and mass shared without having granted permission. When they find out, they are...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 10/4/19: Should A Shidduch That Requires More Work Call for Paying More Shadchanus?

Question:   The current structure of shadchanus of compensation upon a completed shidduch with nary an allowance for the level of difficulty in getting that particular shidduch off the ground would seem to discourage shadchanim from focusing the majority of their time on singles who are less easy to set up.    In addition, the current structure, which makes no allowance for the...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 9/27/19: How Can We Show Daters That We Really Care About Them?

Question: As shadchanim, it seems that singles confide in us. Perhaps you can share some ideas of how we can display our care for them. Are there things they want to hear or specific things they don’t want to hear? What can we do to show that we really care? 
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Yated Shidduch Forum 9/20/19: I Was Misled About a Shidduch; Can I Get Paid Back for My Expenses?

Question: Our son is learning in Eretz Yisroel, where he went out with a girl from America who was on vacation there. It was made clear to the girl’s family that our son is a very serious learner and wants to learn long-term. We told the shadchan this numerous times before and during the shidduch, and we asked...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 9/13/19: Hesitant About Parents Incurring Debt to Offer Support

Question: I'm a 20-year-old girl who has grown up in a home of Torah. My father is a hardworking person who learns during every minute he has available. We have a large family and my parents barely make ends meet. I want to marry a serious learner, but every boy asks if my parents will...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 8/16/19: Dating Someone Who Has Divorced Parents

Question:   As a bochur in shidduchim, from time to time I get redd girls whose parents are divorced. I wish to know what my parents can ask when finding out information about the girl and what I can discuss with the girl on a date that can determine whether she has a healthy perspective and understanding of a relationship...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 8/9/19: Time to Do Away With Shidduch Resume Pictures?

Question: As a shadchan for close to three decades, I would like to say that I've done a comparative study (it took about a second) and concluded that my having made 7 shidduchim before résumés with photos and one shidduch in the last 15 years is a clear sign that it is way harder to get a date off the ground these...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 8/2/19: Why I am Not Hearing About More Single Women?

Question:   As a bochur in shidduchim for some time, with many friends in the same situation, and hearing that there are many girls also looking for their zivugim, I was wondering if there is anything that could be done to address this matter.   A married friend of mine told me that his wife has friends in the parsha for over...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 7/26/19: My Relative “Just Doesn’t See the Shidduch.” What Should I Do?

Question:   A shadchan thinks of a shidduch and suggests the idea to both sides. The boy’s side calls the references and gets very good information. The girl’s parents contact the boy’s references and they are pleased with what they hear. After several phone calls, the boy discovers that one of his relatives knows the girl and her family. The...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 7/19/19: Can I Tell People That I am Dating?

Question:   Who's allowed to know when one is dating?   Assuming that a boy or girl should strive to have "minimal" research exposure regarding asking friends for info about others, how much can be shared about the dating process, such as asking an out-of-towner for info about a certain place, borrowing a gps/ties/games, notifying chavrusos/coworkers...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 7/12/19: Can I be Guaranteed of a Blissful Marriage From The Start?

Question:   I was very disturbed by a sign that someone recently posted in the yeshiva where I learn. He wrote that he was recently married and, within the first week of sheva brachos, his wife was crying and he couldn't figure out what he had done wrong. He goes on to write that after much money spent on...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 7/5/19: I Made My First Shidduch & I Can’t Stop Worrying About It. What Should I do?

Question:   Dear shadchanim,   I’m a young newlywed and I just made my first shidduch, boruch Hashem. It’s very exciting, but I have so much anxiety because I’m so nervous for it to work out. I feel like it’s on my head all day. Any advice? Is this normal?
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Yated Shidduch Forum 6/28/19: How Should I Be Comparing the People I Date to Each Other?

Question:   I recently went out with a girl and we had excellent conversation, but for whatever reason it didn't work out. More girls are being suggested, boruch Hashem, and the phone is ringing, so to speak.    What I'm wondering is whether I should allow the great conversations I had with the previous girl help me...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 6/21/19: How Should I Handle An Unexpected Encounter With My Ex or His/Her Parents?

Question:   What’s the protocol for when a boy bumps into the parents of a girl (or the girl herself) after having been on a few dates and the shidduch ended respectfully and/or mutually:

A) Ignore.  B) Turn red, avoid eye contact, and reverse course. 
C) Give a quick nod and move along. 
D) None of the above.    I’ve experienced this...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 6/14/19: Should There be a Freezer Period for Single Women Entering Shidduchim?

Question:   As my children are nearing shidduchim age, I am beginning to catch on to the lingo and accepted norms, and I'm gearing up for the parsha. I am aware of the "freezer" that is set up for boys upon their arrival home from Eretz Yisroel, which gives them time to settle down, think, adjust, and begin...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 6/7/19: Do I Always Need to Call the Resume References?

Question:   I was redd a shidduch by someone I trust. He knows the person well and was able to give us a very thorough picture of who the person is. My parents and I liked what we heard and called one or two people who are not on the résumé. They confirmed the positive information and we are...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 5/31/19: What is the Best Job For a Young Woman to Pursue?

Question: Nowadays, considering tuition and student loans, what would you say is a single girl’s best shot for a job after she's married? A teacher? A therapist? An office job?
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Yated Shidduch Forum 5/24/19: Chosson & Kallah Gifts

Question: What are the standard gifts that chassanim and kallahs today, in 2019, are supposed to give to each other from the time of their engagement until their wedding?
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Yated Shidduch Forum 5/17/19: Should I Be Talking To My Friends About Dating?

Question:   Is it okay to speak to my roommates or other friends about my dates? Sometimes, I feel like they just "get it" more than my parents do. Also, if they ever went out with the person I was redd to, they may be able to save me from a bad date. What do you feel?
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Yated Shidduch Forum 5/10/19: Should My Son Get Braces Before He Starts Dating?

Question: Dear Shadchanim, My son will be starting shidduchim sometime next year. While we are aware that looks and appearance are second to middos, I would like him to get Invisalign/braces to better enhance his features. Our dentist never felt that he needed braces, and though he has a beautiful smile, and his teeth are...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 5/3/19: Should Parents Meet Shadchanim Together With Their Children?

Question:   Is it better for a single to meet with a shadchan alone or with a parent? Answer:
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Yated Shidduch Forum 4/19/19: Can I Use My Cell Phone While On a Date?

Question:    Is there any place or time during a date, from the time the boy arrives at the girl’s house till he drops her off, that it is acceptable for either the boy or girl to be checking their cell phone for voicemails, text messages, WhatsApps and the like?    My thought process is...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 3/29/19: Is it Important to Share in Shabbos Meals During Engagement?

Question:   Thank you for an excellent column each week.   I recently heard that more and more parents of chassanim and kallos have been pushing for them to skip the Shabbos together at each other’s houses during the engagement. They say that spending Shabbos together at each other’s homes causes unneeded stress.    In your opinion, are there any benefits to having...
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