Website sponsored by Mr. & Mrs. Malkiel Goldberger in honor of their precious children
info@shidduchcenter.org | 443.955.9887
Website sponsored by Mr. & Mrs. Malkiel Goldberger in honor of their precious children
info@shidduchcenter.org | 443.955.9887

Published Articles

Yated Shidduch Forum 7/12/19: Can I be Guaranteed of a Blissful Marriage From The Start?

Question:   I was very disturbed by a sign that someone recently posted in the yeshiva where I learn. He wrote that he was recently married and, within the first week of sheva brachos, his wife was crying and he couldn't figure out what he had done wrong. He goes on to write that after much money spent on...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 7/5/19: I Made My First Shidduch & I Can’t Stop Worrying About It. What Should I do?

Question:   Dear shadchanim,   I’m a young newlywed and I just made my first shidduch, boruch Hashem. It’s very exciting, but I have so much anxiety because I’m so nervous for it to work out. I feel like it’s on my head all day. Any advice? Is this normal?
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Yated Shidduch Forum 6/28/19: How Should I Be Comparing the People I Date to Each Other?

Question:   I recently went out with a girl and we had excellent conversation, but for whatever reason it didn't work out. More girls are being suggested, boruch Hashem, and the phone is ringing, so to speak.    What I'm wondering is whether I should allow the great conversations I had with the previous girl help me...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 6/21/19: How Should I Handle An Unexpected Encounter With My Ex or His/Her Parents?

Question:   What’s the protocol for when a boy bumps into the parents of a girl (or the girl herself) after having been on a few dates and the shidduch ended respectfully and/or mutually:

A) Ignore.  B) Turn red, avoid eye contact, and reverse course. 
C) Give a quick nod and move along. 
D) None of the above.    I’ve experienced this...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 6/14/19: Should There be a Freezer Period for Single Women Entering Shidduchim?

Question:   As my children are nearing shidduchim age, I am beginning to catch on to the lingo and accepted norms, and I'm gearing up for the parsha. I am aware of the "freezer" that is set up for boys upon their arrival home from Eretz Yisroel, which gives them time to settle down, think, adjust, and begin...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 6/7/19: Do I Always Need to Call the Resume References?

Question:   I was redd a shidduch by someone I trust. He knows the person well and was able to give us a very thorough picture of who the person is. My parents and I liked what we heard and called one or two people who are not on the résumé. They confirmed the positive information and we are...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 5/31/19: What is the Best Job For a Young Woman to Pursue?

Question: Nowadays, considering tuition and student loans, what would you say is a single girl’s best shot for a job after she's married? A teacher? A therapist? An office job?
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Yated Shidduch Forum 5/24/19: Chosson & Kallah Gifts

Question: What are the standard gifts that chassanim and kallahs today, in 2019, are supposed to give to each other from the time of their engagement until their wedding?
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Yated Shidduch Forum 5/17/19: Should I Be Talking To My Friends About Dating?

Question:   Is it okay to speak to my roommates or other friends about my dates? Sometimes, I feel like they just "get it" more than my parents do. Also, if they ever went out with the person I was redd to, they may be able to save me from a bad date. What do you feel?
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Yated Shidduch Forum 5/10/19: Should My Son Get Braces Before He Starts Dating?

Question: Dear Shadchanim, My son will be starting shidduchim sometime next year. While we are aware that looks and appearance are second to middos, I would like him to get Invisalign/braces to better enhance his features. Our dentist never felt that he needed braces, and though he has a beautiful smile, and his teeth are...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 5/3/19: Should Parents Meet Shadchanim Together With Their Children?

Question:   Is it better for a single to meet with a shadchan alone or with a parent? Answer:
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Yated Shidduch Forum 4/19/19: Can I Use My Cell Phone While On a Date?

Question:    Is there any place or time during a date, from the time the boy arrives at the girl’s house till he drops her off, that it is acceptable for either the boy or girl to be checking their cell phone for voicemails, text messages, WhatsApps and the like?    My thought process is...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 3/29/19: Is it Important to Share in Shabbos Meals During Engagement?

Question:   Thank you for an excellent column each week.   I recently heard that more and more parents of chassanim and kallos have been pushing for them to skip the Shabbos together at each other’s houses during the engagement. They say that spending Shabbos together at each other’s homes causes unneeded stress.    In your opinion, are there any benefits to having...
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The Shidduch Center of Baltimore and Its Dedicated Shadchanim

Over the past three years, thanks to unparalleled siyata deShmaya, The Shidduch Center of Baltimore has been zochehto set up well over 500 couples on dates, and has seen 56 of those dates result in marriages, all for families in our community. While this incredible outcome is certainly representative of the work of numerous shadchanim,...
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613 Seconds with The Shidduch Center

We spent some time with The Shidduch Center of Baltimore’s Executive Director, Shlomo Goldberger, to learn more about the The Shidduch Center, and the profound impact it is having on our community.
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Yated Shidduch Forum 3/22/19: How Can We Ensure That Our Shidduch Suggestions Are On Target?

Question: Our child has been in shidduchim for eight months and has gone out a few times, but for some reason, the suggestions and dates do not seem to be on target. It is almost like we haven't been able to effectively convey to people what it is that is right for our child, or perhaps we ourselves don't...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 3/8/19: Waiting for Months to Get a Date. What Can We Do?

Question: 
I have a really great daughter who has been in shidduchim for about two years. She has an amazing personality, went to a great school and seminary, has great friends, etc. The bottom line is that she’s a real catch. We have been to countless shadchanim and are involved in the community. People know who we are. So what...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 3/1/19: We Already Gave a Yes. Can We Change Our Minds?

Question: We gave a yes to a shidduch for our son, and as the girl’s side was checking out our son, the shadchan came back with a list of questions numerous times. We realized based on the questions that this was not a match. Both sides were looking for different attributes, and my son, in...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 2/22/19: Do I Really Need a New Hat for My Wedding?

Question: Boruch Hashem, I recently got engaged. A few of the expenses have made me wonder. Although my parents are in chinuch, we don't mind spending $1,600 on an engagement bracelet in order to ensure that my kallah is happy, because that is the norm and I don't want her to feel deprived. What bothers...
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Shidduch Center Dedicated Shadchanim: What are they doing & Why are they so important?

While many are aware of The Shidduch Center of Baltimore’s pioneering work, there are two questions that are frequently directed our way. First, what does it means to be a Dedicated Shidduch Center shadchan? And second, why is it so important that we have an organization in our city that formally employs shadchanim? Regarding the...
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The Shidduch Center: Creating and facilitating dating opportunities for Baltimore’s singles

Who is The Shidduch Center of Baltimore, Inc.? The Shidduch Center of Baltimore, Inc. was formed in February of 2008 as a non-profit organization dedicated to serving the dating needs of the single men and women in the Jewish community of Baltimore, MD.  Unprecedented Challenges, Unprecedented Solutions  The Shidduch Center is driven by the conviction...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 2/15/19: Single Men v. Single Women – Who Has It Easier In Shidduchim?

Question:   There is popular myth out there that it is easier to be a boy in shidduchim than a girl.   I am a (lucky) mother to have both a son and a daughter is shidduchim. Although it is a lot quieter on my daughter's end (which can be a challenge too), shidduchim takes a lot more of a toll on my son....
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Yated Shidduch Forum 2/8/19: Date 1 Was “DOA,” Should I Still Go On A Date 2?

Question: I recently went out with a girl and after five minutes knew that it was, what I call, "totally no shaychus," or "DOA.” For the duration of the date, I still tried to remain focused and polite and gave it my all. My feelings remained the same throughout the date, so I gave the...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 2/1/19: Traveling Out of Town for a Date, How Long Should I Stay?

Question: In the past, proper spacing between dates has been discussed.    I will iy”H be traveling by plane to date someone out-of-town. Should I be waiting around several days in a city I am not familiar with before I go on the next date? Would you advise me any differently than if I was dating in-town?
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Yated Shidduch Forum 1/25/19: Did He Call Too Soon?

Question: My son recently went out with a girl and, after the second date, asked her if he can call her. Usually, this type of thing is made up with the shadchan beforehand, but in this case, my son told me that he sensed that the first two dates went very well, and, feeling spontaneous,...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 1/18/19: How Should I Ask Questions on a Date?

Question: A friend of mine told me that when she dates, she will often ask the boy very pointed questions, such as: “If you could go back in time and meet anyone, who are some people you would choose and why?” “If you had so much money that you never needed to work a day...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 1/11/19: Day Dates or Night Dates, Which One is Better?

Question:   In my dating experience, I have found day dates to be much more productive and enjoyable than night dates. Maybe it is just a coincidence or perhaps there is something to it.   I was wondering if the panelists, with their vast experience, have found day dates to be more beneficial than night...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 1/4/19: Is it Acceptable to Redd a Shidduch Via Text Message?

Question:  I recently received a shidduch idea from a shadchan – by text. This was the first time I had ever received a shidduch redd by text message. The text said: “Hi, this is… I thought of a great shidduch idea for your son. I am sending a resume in the next text message.” A week later, I got another text asking...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 12/28/18: Should We Tell a Shadchan Up Front How Much We Can Afford for Shadchanus?

Question: We were recently redd a shidduch for our son by a shadchan who, I was told by others, often makes “rich” shidduchim and gets compensated substantially by the mechutanim. My husband and I are regular middle-class people who just get by. We happen to have a son who is a metzuyan, boruch Hashem, and so we have been getting a lot of redds, including from...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 12/21/18: Will Skipping Learning In Eretz Yisroel Harm My Shidduch Prospects?

Question: Recently, a Shidduch Forum question asked if not going to seminary will cause people to reject a shidduch. I would like to ask similarly: It is becoming increasingly popular for bochurim to skip going to Eretz Yisroel to learn. Do I have to be worried that if I don’t go to Eretz Yisroel, mothers – or girls – will...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 12/14/18: How Can I Get Better at Making Shidduchim?

Question: Many shadchanim have emphasized the need for more people to start making shidduch suggestions. With all the time I’ve put in, I have yet to set up a single date. However, when I’ve passed my ideas on to other people to actually redd them, my ideas have led to the boy/girl giving a yes, going out, etc. I primarily focus...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 12/7/18: Red Flags on a Date, Should I Say Something?

Question: I recently went out with a boy and noticed red flags in his middos to the extent that I felt I was being belittled and his manner was a bit threatening at one point. In addition, he put down a lot of my opinions in a bashing manner. I came out feeling that this is someone you don’t...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 11/30/18: Determining the Appropriate Amount for Shadchanus

Question:  When it comes to paying shadchanus, how should what is owed be determined when no price was specified? What determines the “going rate”? Answer: Before proceeding to address this question, and due to the potential halachic ramifications of doing so, I would like to make mention that the following was reviewed by a rov before...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 11/23/18: Can Better Dating Practices Help Reduce Divorce Rates?

Question: In light of statistics indicating that the divorce rate in the frum community is increasing, some askonim, rabbonim and community leaders are suggesting that there is something wrong with our dating system and that some of these heartbreaks could have been avoided. Do the panelists have any suggestions for better dating productivity to avoid, minimize, or reverse this regrettable trend?...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 11/16/18: Will Skipping Seminary Harm My Shidduch Prospects?

Question: I’m a 12th grader from an out-of-town community considering seminary next year. From a shidduch perspective, does it make such a difference if I don’t go? I heard that one of the first questions mothers ask when researching girls for their sons is which seminary she went to. I just don’t have an interest in going to...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 11/9/18: My Future Father-In-Law Is Anti-Vaccinations. What Now?

Question: I have gone out with a girl who mentioned on a date that her father doesn’t believe in vaccinating. “But he’s not the type to tell other people what to do,” she said. [His children were all vaccinated. Apparently, his views on the matter changed after his children had grown up.] Like my parents...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 11/2/18: Do You Want to See My Bracelet?

Question: I went on a date and was very disturbed when the girl asked me, “Do you want to see my bracelet?” And she rolled up her sleeve and showed it to me. I was very disturbed. How should I have reacted? Maybe she was just nervous and not thinking straight. Should I be concerned? Answer:...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 10/26/18: Giving a “Yes” to More Than One Suggestion at the Same Time?

Question: Dear Esteemed Panelists, I read this column religiously and appreciate the insightful and rich ideas to which I’m exposed on a weekly basis.  I hope that you will be able to provide the same meaningful answer not only to my particular question, but to the broader public, some of whom may be experiencing a...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 10/19/18: Nervous About an Over-The-Top Proposal

Question: I am going out with a boy and things are going very well. Barring any disappointments, our dating will likely end in engagement. I am petrified of an extravagant proposal. I know that it’s in style and some even anticipate it, but I don’t. I would appreciate a quiet, simple proposal, nothing fancy or...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 10/12/18: Hung Up On Yichus?

Question: With children in shidduchim, I often encounter the issue of yichus. I am wondering if you, as shadchanim, find that people are hung up on this. Interestingly, I recently read that someone asked Rav Avigdor Miller zt”l how much emphasis they should put on yichus when choosing a shidduch. Rav Miller responded that if the yichus is that the girl “comes from good parents, her father is...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 9/21/18: Am I Leading Him On If I Say Yes?

Question: Ayala receives a yes from Binyomin. Ayala and her parents do some checking and are really unsure as to the viability of this being a match for her. Ayala feels that there is less than a 50% chance that anything will come out of their meeting. Would Ayala be leading Binyomin on if she...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 9/7/18: In Search of Chizuk

Question: Hi. I look forward to read your column in the Yated each week. It’s very interesting and has been helpful to me with my dating difficulties.  I’m an older single girl in my low thirties facing the hardship of being single for a number of years. Plus, I was previously engaged just about five years ago,...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 8/31/18: He Slipped Off His Shoes on a Date; Deal Breaker?

Question: I went on a date with a boy and it went well. We will be going out again. On the first date, however, he kept slipping off his slip-on shoes under the table. I know that people who wear slip-ons sometimes do that, but having it being done on a date really bothered me....
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Yated Shidduch Forum 8/24/18: How to Confirm Financial Support?

Question: I have two married daughters who my wife and I help support. Our son is now in shidduchim, and while we are not looking to “put him up for sale,” we would like some assurance that the other side will at least provide some support. (Our financial situation is very tight.) I have a relative...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 8/17/18: An Unexpected Language Barrier

Question: I went out with a girl two times and the dates went well. However, during our conversations, she kept using certain phrases, like “Oh my gosh,” and “It was sooo amazing” and, most of all, “like.” I was like no way. I was like are you kidding? I was like this… I was like that… I...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 8/10/18: What to do When Younger Siblings Protest a Shidduch Idea?

Question: A shidduch was redd to our son and we are considering giving a yes. Everything sounds great. However, two of my other sons, ages 18 and 20, found out about the shidduch and are adamantly against it. They say that they “know the girl’s brothers from camp” and there is “no way” the shidduch can proceed. “You can’t be serious,” “They’re not...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 8/3/18: Scary Driving on a Date

Question: What should a young lady do if she went on a first date with a young man and would like to continue, but his driving really scares her? Answer: That a young man adopted driving habits which are conspicuously more liberal than those of the young woman he is dating is not exceptionally surprising...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 7/27/18: Who Should Be The Shadchan?

Question: My husband and I often come up with shidduchim suggestions for singles we know, but we aren’t comfortable or experienced enough to serve as the shadchan. As such, we prefer to pass on the shidduch to more experienced, well-known shadchanim to handle the shidduch. Would it be better for the shidduch for us to hand it over to very well-known “big name” shadchanim or an experienced shadchan who...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 7/20/18: Does Every Dater Need a Dating Coach

Question: Recently, one of the panelists stated the following: “I understand that you may have begun dating feeling somewhat tense. Now that you are feeling more comfortable with yourself, it doesn’t mean that you are a better dater. If you were, you wouldn’t be dating anymore. You’d be married. Feeling more comfortable simply means that...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 7/13/18: Picky Parents = Picky Daters?

Question:  As a shadchan, I wish to bring to a light a reality that I’ve seen time and again. Parents have a fine son or daughter, who they think the world of. They set the bar extremely high, turning down shidduchim right and left, because the people being redd lack the prerequisites (name recognition, yichus, money, etc.) they are seeking...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 7/6/18: Should I Go on a Second or Third Date? How to Decide?

Question: A common quandary in shidduchim is whether to go out on a second (or, at times, a third) date.  The hadracha provided in this forum is to, barring any obvious red flags, go out again as meaningful relationships require some time to blossom.  I would like to suggest a process singles can follow that would significantly alleviate the...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 6/29/18: Am I Too Chilled About Dating?

Question: As a boy in shidduchim for a number of years already, I noticed something about myself: I no longer go on dates with “jitters.” Unfortunately, it is almost like I am going on a business meeting or family outing. As a result, I am much more natural, must less rehearsed, than when I started shidduchim. I am...
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Is It Really Okay That We Share Pictures For A Shidduch?

Question: Girls in shidduchim seem to be asked for pictures of themselves all the time by shadchanim and others, and not just a picture, but a “nice one” and a “casual one.” As a girl in shidduchim, I am perplexed. What has the world come to? Last I checked, there are no pictures of women and girls in Torah publications, like the Yated,...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 6/15/18: Why is the Clothing I Wear on a Date Such a Big Deal?

Question:             As a boy, I’m really irked that people make such a big deal about the clothing that I wear on a pegisha (date). They say that it’s integral that I mamish “wow” the meduberes on first sight.                 Charles Tyrwhitt shirt? Check!              Dry cleaned suit? Check! Hat lookin’ spic n’ span? Check!              You get the gist.              So my question is this:...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 6/8/18: Long Dates & Uncomfortable Venues; Why Must It Be That Way?

Question: Having been in the parsha for quite a while already, I’ve noticed a few disturbing things and I would like to air them:  Why are we being told by shadchanim to go on extremely long dates? Which bochur has ever had a conversation with a friend of his for 5+ hours? Why are we being told to go to restaurants,...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 6/1/18: Should I Be Expecting More?

Question: I met a very nice, sincere gentleman. From the time I was out with him, I could tell that he is a sincere, kind, thoughtful, growing person, who has his values straight and holds his own. He has a good job, a good learning situation, and friends, and I see that he is a...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 5/18/18: Why is Hashem Doing This to Me?

Question: My daughter is a great girl, who has been sitting at home for several years, waiting for her shidduch. As time goes on, she is getting more broken. What should I tell my daughter when she asks: “Why is Hashem doing this to me?” Answer: In a very real sense, this is the most trying...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 5/11/18: We Gave a Yes, Why is He Delaying?

Question: My 27-year-old single daughter can often wait for weeks before any suitable shidduchim are suggested. Three weeks ago, she got three yeses in one day. After spending much time investigating the suggestions and then giving our yes to one of them, the shadchan notified us that the boy would not be able to meet our daughter until after Lag...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 5/4/18: Differentiating Between Wants & Needs

Question: I’ve heard from shadchanim, read in articles, and heard in shmuessen that there are “boys in their thirties who are still single because they say no to every girl they go out with.” There’s also the famous story about the Steipler Gaon zt”l, who reportedly told a yeshiva bochur that he did meet his bashert but said no to her. I personally know numerous older...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 4/27/18: How to Respond to an Anonymous Caller Researching a Shidduch

Question: I am a bochur who often gets calls about friends of mine in shidduchim. I am happy to serve as a reference for them. However, I ask the people calling me for information to identify themselves and tell me what their relationship with the girl in question is. I do this because otherwise I feel uncomfortable sharing...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 4/20/18: Moving on After Rejection

Question: I recently went out with a girl seven times and everything was amazing, at least from my perspective. Everything seemed to be progressing smoothly and I was starting to get really excited. Then, without giving a reason, she said no. I was dismayed, to say the least. Boruch Hashem, I got over it relatively quickly...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 4/13/18: Revisiting a Dropped Shidduch

Question: I have lately noticed questions and responses that discuss “revisiting” a shidduch idea that has been shelved either before or after meeting. I am surprised by the simplicity with which the concept is dealt with in the responses. You would think that it is a straightforward and easily doable process. However, both in my personal experience,...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 3/30/18: Should Shadchanim be Speaking to the Daters or the Parents?

Question: Our twenty-four-year-old son has gone out with a girl three times. The first date went really well. The second date was pretty good and the third date was so-so. The shadchan asked permission to speak directly to our son to get a better sense of what is taking place on the dates, with the goal of...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 3/23/18: Proper Nomenclature for Single Men & Women in Shidduchim

Question: I would like to start by thanking you for your very informative advice and guidance.  There is one thing that does irk me slightly, but it is not exclusive to this forum. Why is it that the young men and women who are making the biggest decisions of their lives are constantly referred to...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 3/16/18: How Important is Emotional Connection?

Question: Recently, I went out with a boy seven times and everything was amazing — on paper. He had good middos, we came from similar backgrounds and hashkafos, he was pleasant-looking, and conversation flowed nicely.  But I had no feelings for him.  He was nice, and when we were together, I had a nice time, but I...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 3/9/18: Is it Possible to Change Someone’s Mind About a Shidduch?

Question: As shadchanim, you surely know that most ideas that are suggested don’t result in an engagement or even a date. When I redd shidduchim, I understand that parents know what their children need and I accept their negative response. Sometimes, though, I wonder if the shadchan should get more involved when a shidduch is nixed for petty reasons.  I have...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 3/2/18: Bechira, Hishtadlus, & Hashgacha – A Complementary Trio?

Question: My daughter was recently redd a shidduch to a phenomenal Litvishe boy and we are ready to give a yes. The boy’s father, however, drives a Volkswagen, a well know German car. We have a strong sensitivity to that, since our grandparents’ family perished in the Holocaust. Is that enough of a reason to negate the shidduch? Does it make a...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 2/23/18: Purim Edition!

Question: I went out with a girl and, during the course of our conversation on the date, we were discussing the Yated. More specifically, the conversation focused on the Shidduch Forum and the Chinuch Roundtable. The girl posed a question: Given a choice of being a panelist on the Shidduch Forum or the Chinuch Roundtable, which one would you choose? I responded that...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 2/16/18: Not So Into His Looks, What To Do?

Question: I am a mother of a girl in shidduchim. My daughter is a fine, frum, hard-working girl who possess sterling middos. My daughter has been dating a very fine young man. He possesses a lot of the qualities she is looking for in a husband. Although she is not a materialistic girl, she has pointed out that...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 2/9/18: Should The Yated Feature Profiles of Singles?

Question I used to be a frequent reader of this column, but I rarely read it anymore. I am not a big fan of it. I am surprised by the absurdity of many questions and I don’t appreciate many of the responses. Be that as it may, I wish to propose an idea: The bottom...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 2/2/18: Are My Parents Being Too Picky?

Question: Thank you for your wonderful newspaper. The Shidduch Forum has become my favorite column.  About a year and a half ago, I dated a girl very seriously. We were very close to getting engaged, and my parents and I were very excited about the shidduch. At that point, someone shared information about the girl’s sister and family. Basically, they...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 1/26/18: How Much Information Do I Have to Give About Money?

Question: I have a good friend – we’ll come him Moish – who has been blessed with financial wealth. He does very well parnassah-wise. However, I know that he does not assist his children financially. I often receive shidduch calls about him and his children, and, as can be expected, people ask me “if he has money.” I...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 1/19/18: How Do I Prevent My Shidduch Profile References From Doing More Harm Than Good?

Question: After our daughter had been in the parsha of shidduchim for almost a year, it has gotten back to us that a close family friend on our daughter’s résumé, when called as a reference, gives nice and appropriate information, but on numerous occasions has volunteered her own opinion, saying, “I can’t see it,” when she knew who the...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 1/12/18: Unfair Stereotyping?

Question: The following is from an email I recently received from a shadchan: “So, Rivky got back to me and stated that she looked into it and heard she is too modern for you; she wears ___ (type of makeup, details not important), etc. and heard you are more yeshivish.” In my dating experience, this is an...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 1/5/18: Where is the “Thank You”?

Question: As a young married couple, we spend a lot of time trying to set up singles. As anyone who has been involved in shidduchim knows, it can be very time-consuming. ​Recently, we set up a few shidduchim. ​Some ​almost got engaged, while others only went as far as a second or third date. ​ It is disheartening that...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 12/29/17: Have Single Women Become Complacent in Shidduchim?

Question: I am a single bochur in his thirties and I’ve been meaning to write this question for a while. There have been wonderful efforts to help those in shidduchim, especially girls. The focus of much of the publicity of the shidduch crisis has been on the girls, and perhaps rightfully so. However, I have witnessed how this has negatively...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 12/22/17: Am I Too Worldly?

Question: I am a bochur in shidduchim who considers himself a normal, worldly boy. My dilemma is: How much do I say on a date with respect to how worldly I am and what I know? On one hand, I want to be honest, but on the other hand, I don’t want to scare the girl off. Answer: In...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 12/15/17: Do We Have to Give a Reason for Saying “No”?

Question: I am a parent of a boy and a girl in shidduchim. My question is simple: When saying no to a shidduch, either before any dates or after my child has already gone out, must I provide a reason?  Sometimes, it would be much simpler if I were allowed to just say no and move on....
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Yated Shidduch Forum 12/8/17: Medical Issues & Shidduchim

Question: I’m an older single girl who endures the daily hardship of having a medical issue. In our circles, when anyone has a medical issue, it’s considered a stigma, and therefore I’ve kept it a secret all my life.  I was recently thinking that maybe I should disclose my secret, as perhaps it will be...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 12/1/17: Feeling Like Nobody Cares

Question: I’m a divorced father in my thirties with a few young children. I am, boruch Hashem, healthy and have means to support my family. I would really like to get married again soon and move on with life.  For some reason, I feel that as much as I try dealing with shadchanim, they never get back to me...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 11/24/17: Good Games for a Date

Question: What are some good games to play on a date? It’s been recommended to me to bring along a game in order to enhance conversation on dates. What do you suggest based on experience? Answer: Admittedly, I am not particularly well-versed in the dating games du jour. Nevertheless, as a general rule, I would...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 11/17/17: Wrong to be Looking for the “Best Guy”?

Question: Every so often, my uncle calls me about boys, looking for a shidduch for his daughter. Alert: My uncle tells me that he’s looking for “the best guy.” But his daughter doesn’t need “the best guy.” How do I know? It doesn’t take a professor in quantum physics or thermodynamics to see that she’s a fine...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 11/10/17: When Knowing Too Much Starts to Hurt

Question: We have a daughter in shidduchim. On a regular basis, we ask our wonderful son about prospective bochurim. Every boy has a chisaron, and no one knows boys better than other boys. Bochurim know others bochurim’s weaknesses and idiosyncrasies. What has happened – and apparently this is an issue encountered by many parents of girls like us – is that...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 11/3/17: Can I Change My Mind After Saying Yes?

Question: There’s an unwritten rule that once a boy gives a yes to a girl, he has to go out. I have a scenario in which I wonder if that should indeed be a given. A boy comes home from a date. It’s 11 p.m. when he sits down to discuss the date with his...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 10/27/17: Heart’s Not In It – Volume 2

Question: I am following up on a Shidduch Forum column some weeks ago, when most of the panelists seemed to imply that a young man should marry someone even if his heart isn’t in it. If there is some problem holding back a young man from connecting, or his expectations are unrealistic, then that absolutely needs to be...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 10/20/17: Using a Coupon on a Date; Waive It or Save It?

Question: What do the panelists think of using coupons on a date? I just got a 40% off coupon to a really nice restaurant. Should I beshitah not use it? (I’m not a cheapskate by nature, but if I find a good sale, a bargain, or a coupon, I definitely take advantage of it.) On the one...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 9/29/17: Are Singles Properly Prepared for Rejection?

Question: According to information that I have gathered, five out of six shidduchim involving a bochur who is dating for the first time,  where the shidduchim don’t result in a marriage, end with the girl rejecting the boy after three or four dates. While this 5:1 ratio may be similar to the overall dating statistics in that nearly five out of...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 9/22/17: Feeling Guilty About Rejecting a Shidduch

Question: From time to time, I have nagging feelings of guilt with regard to two girls I went out with. I said “no” to them both.  Today, I am married, boruch Hashem. However, I feel bad that after going out with two particular girls, one five times and one six times, I had no choice but...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 9/15/17: Redd to a Divorcee for the First Time, How to Approach?

Question: I am a single girl and was recently redd to a divorcee. As this is something new for me, I was wondering how to approach it. What kind of questions should I ask when calling the references? What red flags should I be looking out for? If I do decide to date him, how am I...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 9/8/17: I Want to Get Married but My Heart’s Just Not In It

Question: I’m in my upper twenties and have been in shidduchim for close to seven years. I’ve gone out with several dozen girls and have come close to engagement many times, only to break it off at the very last moment.  I often feel that, intellectually, I wish to go ahead with the shidduch, since I am eager...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 9/1/17: “Rowdy” in High School But Still a “Gem”?

Question: Recently, I received a shidduch call from the sister of a boy, calling to check out my good friend’s daughter. I had only good things to say about the girl, knowing her as a mature, pleasant young woman. However, the sister interrupted and asked: “Weren’t you her ninth grade teacher?” I replied that yes, I was....
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Yated Shidduch Forum 8/25/17: Concerns with Kashrus?

Question: Yosef is taking Tova out on a fourth date. Yosef announces that he made reservations for dinner for the two of them. He does not give Tova a choice of a restaurant. What should Tova’s reaction be when she realizes that her family is not comfortable with the hechsher of this restaurant? Should she tell him nicely...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 8/18/17: Dating in the Fast Lane

Question: I was on a date recently, and while driving (switching lanes, merging, etc.), the girl kept on looking over her shoulder to make certain that the lane was clear. Although this is (probably) not a factor in determining whether or not she will be a good marriage partner, it did come across as annoying,...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 8/11/17: The Shidduch Didn’t Work Out, is it Still Safe to Say Hello?

Question:  I have a question that has been on my mind for the last little while. A girl and a boy go out a number of times and really get to know each other, and the shidduch does not work. What is proper protocol if they keep bumping into each other? Is it a problem to give...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 8/4/17: New Rules & Regulations for Shadchanim?

Question:             If you look around, the current shidduch process is obviously not cutting it. There is practically not a family in Klal Yisroel that doesn’t have a single boy or girl who is in the parsha and struggling with the current system. As a result, we are left with a large population of single people that seems to be growing. ...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 7/28/17: How to Say No to a Proposed Shidduch

Question: Sometimes, people look into a proposed shidduch and get back to the shadchan saying, “I will not pursue this now, but I am not saying no. Perhaps in a few months from now…” Is this an appropriate way to turn down a shidduch or is this insulting? Is it better just to say no, and then, if you reconsider...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 7/21/17: Will My Son’s In-Laws Respect His Learning in Kollel?

Question:  My son was redd a girl who, like him, wants to start married life in kollel. How long my son will learn, I don’t know. Neither does he. But it is something he wants to do.  Our research revealed that while the girl wants a boy who will be learning for some time – even an extended...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 7/14/17: Why Can’t I Ride My Bike?

Question: I am a 22-year-old bochur and I just came home from Eretz Yisroel. I want to bike around and my mother absolutely refuses. She says that I won’t get a shidduch if I ride my bike. Who is right? Answer: As it appears to me, this is not so much a matter of right or wrong as it...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 7/7/17: Is a Second Date Worthwhile Even for Experienced Daters?

Question: In the past, some of the panelists have discussed whether a second date should be a given. Some are of the opinion that there should always be a second date. My daughter has been dating for several years already. She’s gone out quite a bit. When she goes out with a young man for the...
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Yated Shidduch Forum 6/30/17: Testing the Dating Waters?

Question: In helping young men and young ladies navigate the parsha of shidduchim, I often see that while they have a pretty good idea of where they’re heading in life, they really have no idea what they’re looking for in a shidduch. Instead of talking and thinking “up-in-the-air,” I advise that they get into the shidduch scene, meet shadchanim, and just begin...
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