Website sponsored by Mr. & Mrs. Malkiel Goldberger in honor of their precious children

Donate
Sponsor a Day of Dating

Author: Shlomo

Yated Shidduch Forum 3/4/22: A Shadchan Emailed Us a Stack of Résumés, and Later on, a Friend Redd the Same Shidduch. Who is Owed Shadchanus?

Question:

A century ago, redding a shidduch required significant effort on the shadchan’s behalf, traveling to someone’s home across town or even traveling for days to another town to relay information. Nowadays, shidduch résumé sharing occurs with little effort and sometimes no thought.

A mother with a boy in shidduchim told me that a shadchan shared with her 15 girls’ shidduch profiles in one day. This is what I would call “mass shidduch sharing.” He had done some homework, knew they were overall excellent girls, and was in general terms seeing which girls the parents would show further interest in. A few weeks later, a good friend of the mother’s redd her one girl who she knew very well. The friend was on top of the game, and the shidduch proceeded along to the point of dating and eventual engagement. The boy’s parents were aware that the other shadchan had shared this name, too, but they were much more comfortable using this friend to be the shadchan, as she knew both sides well. The original shadchan came back to the boy’s parents expecting his piece of the pie. How can someone expect reimbursement for just “name dropping”? 

Yated Shidduch Forum 2/18/22: How Can I Get Families to Take My Shidduch Suggestions Seriously?

Question:

I have been involved in redding shidduchim for a few years and boruch Hashem have made a few. I try to be quite deliberate when I suggest shidduchim. I don’t just throw out names, but rather make suggestions that to me seem to be the right type for what each side is looking for. Yet, often, it is a challenge just to get the families to look into the suggestions I am making on behalf of boys and girls. Many times, it seems like they don’t even look into the ideas I have suggested. I would be very interested to learn some “trade secrets” to better redd a shidduch so that each side will take it seriously.

Yated Shidduch Forum 1/28/22: How Should I Write a Shidduch Resume?

Question:

My husband and I are trying to put together a shidduch résumé, but are not seeing eye-to-eye as to what should be included. I believe that a résumé should give basic points about the person in shidduchim and his/her immediate family. When I drafted the résumé, it ran about two-thirds of a page. My husband wants to include more information so that “people have more ways to find out about us.” He wants to include information about grandparents, aunts, uncles, affiliations, etc. His draft ran about two pages.

What information about the boy/girl, parents, siblings, grandparents, or aunts/uncles should and should not be written on a résumé? Is there a difference between a résumé for a boy and for a girl? Can a résumé be too long?

Yated Shidduch Forum 1/21/22: Was She Wrong to Reject the Shidduch?

Question:

I got a 22-year-old girl to go out with a 27-year-old boy. Everything went very well and they both really wanted to get engaged. The girl asked that he commits to 5 years of learning. The boy said that even though he is a very serious learner, he doesn’t want to commit to another 5 years because he is older and is ready to move on in life. 
 
The girl turned down the shidduch, and I believe she did something wrong. I feel that she should have focused on the bigger picture of getting herself married and building a bayis ne’eman. If she found someone she liked, she should have grabbed him and not gotten stuck on how many years he is going to learn. The number of years he learns after they marry should not be determined before the engagement, but after they get married. Take one day at a time to see how it’s working out. 
 
What are your thoughts on the subject?

Yated Shidduch Forum 1/14/22: Am I Sacrificing my Ruchniyus by Dating a Part-Time Learner?

Question:
 
I hope you can help me out with my dilemma.
I have been in shidduchim for a few years already. I was recently redd to two different boys. One is learning full-time. The other is learning part-time and working the other part of the day.
I was always looking for a full-time learner. However, the boy who is learning part-time, we are told, has beautiful middos, and sounds personality-wise more like what I’m looking for. We didn’t hear as good information about the full-time learner.

My question is: What’s more important, middos or learning? In school, we were always taught to look for a boy who will sit and learn all day. Am I giving up something in my ruchniyus by giving a yes to the part-time learner?

Yated Shidduch Forum 12/17/21: Are Her Shidduch References Being Lazy?

Question:

As the mother of a boy, I would like to raise a problem that I face while trying to gather information about a girl. Too often, I call a reference who answers the phone, and I tell her that I am calling for shidduch information. Before even giving her the girl’s name, she says, “Sorry, I can’t speak right now. I am just sitting down to dinner / putting my kids to sleep / in a car full of girls / in a store…” 

People must realize that giving shidduch info should be a priority. If someone calls, give the info right then. If you need more time, call back right away. 

Don’t wait… The girl may lose her chance. I may just go on to the next girl.