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Category: Advice

Yated Shidduch Forum 8/10/18: What to do When Younger Siblings Protest a Shidduch Idea?

Question: A shidduch was redd to our son and we are considering giving a yes. Everything sounds great. However, two of my other sons, ages 18 and 20, found out about the shidduch and are adamantly against it. They say that they “know the girl’s brothers from camp” and there is “no way” the shidduch can proceed. “You can’t be serious,” “They’re not […]

Yated Shidduch Forum 8/3/18: Scary Driving on a Date

Question: What should a young lady do if she went on a first date with a young man and would like to continue, but his driving really scares her? Answer: That a young man adopted driving habits which are conspicuously more liberal than those of the young woman he is dating is not exceptionally surprising […]

Yated Shidduch Forum 7/27/18: Who Should Be The Shadchan?

Question: My husband and I often come up with shidduchim suggestions for singles we know, but we aren’t comfortable or experienced enough to serve as the shadchan. As such, we prefer to pass on the shidduch to more experienced, well-known shadchanim to handle the shidduch. Would it be better for the shidduch for us to hand it over to very well-known “big name” shadchanim or an experienced shadchan who […]

Yated Shidduch Forum 7/20/18: Does Every Dater Need a Dating Coach

Question: Recently, one of the panelists stated the following: “I understand that you may have begun dating feeling somewhat tense. Now that you are feeling more comfortable with yourself, it doesn’t mean that you are a better dater. If you were, you wouldn’t be dating anymore. You’d be married. Feeling more comfortable simply means that […]

Yated Shidduch Forum 7/13/18: Picky Parents = Picky Daters?

Question:  As a shadchan, I wish to bring to a light a reality that I’ve seen time and again. Parents have a fine son or daughter, who they think the world of. They set the bar extremely high, turning down shidduchim right and left, because the people being redd lack the prerequisites (name recognition, yichus, money, etc.) they are seeking […]

Yated Shidduch Forum 7/6/18: Should I Go on a Second or Third Date? How to Decide?

Question: A common quandary in shidduchim is whether to go out on a second (or, at times, a third) date.  The hadracha provided in this forum is to, barring any obvious red flags, go out again as meaningful relationships require some time to blossom.  I would like to suggest a process singles can follow that would significantly alleviate the […]

Yated Shidduch Forum 6/29/18: Am I Too Chilled About Dating?

Question: As a boy in shidduchim for a number of years already, I noticed something about myself: I no longer go on dates with “jitters.” Unfortunately, it is almost like I am going on a business meeting or family outing. As a result, I am much more natural, must less rehearsed, than when I started shidduchim. I am […]

Is It Really Okay That We Share Pictures For A Shidduch?

Question: Girls in shidduchim seem to be asked for pictures of themselves all the time by shadchanim and others, and not just a picture, but a “nice one” and a “casual one.” As a girl in shidduchim, I am perplexed. What has the world come to? Last I checked, there are no pictures of women and girls in Torah publications, like the Yated, […]

Yated Shidduch Forum 6/15/18: Why is the Clothing I Wear on a Date Such a Big Deal?

Question:             As a boy, I’m really irked that people make such a big deal about the clothing that I wear on a pegisha (date). They say that it’s integral that I mamish “wow” the meduberes on first sight.                 Charles Tyrwhitt shirt? Check!              Dry cleaned suit? Check! Hat lookin’ spic n’ span? Check!              You get the gist.              So my question is this: […]