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Yated Shidduch Forum 8/18/17: Dating in the Fast Lane


I was on a date recently, and while driving (switching lanes, merging, etc.), the girl kept on looking over her shoulder to make certain that the lane was clear.

Although this is (probably) not a factor in determining whether or not she will be a good marriage partner, it did come across as annoying, and it was troublesome that she could not just trust her driver.

Is this something to be concerned about? Your insight is appreciated.


While I can appreciate your concern, and as important as it is to be on the look-out for signs of an inability to trust, or a penchant for nagging, in the person one is dating, I wouldn’t jump to make such a correlation in this case.

Firstly, it is only natural for passengers in a car to be somewhat wary, as they have little to no control over their safety. This is not a sign of distrust in the driver, so much as it is a level of uneasiness which accompanies the recognition that one’s wellbeing is completely in the hands of another.

There is no shortage of otherwise easy-going, composed, and sangfroid individuals who fretfully check the road on a constant basis, or even clutch their seats with white knuckles and for dear life, when situated in the passenger seat.

Secondly, when it comes to driving, it is a widespread – and fairly comical – stereotype for spouses to irk one another. Whether it is the passenger spouse who is unnerving the driver with hair-raising yelps of, “DO YOU NOT SEE THAT CAR STOPPED IN FRONT OF YOU?!”; or frustrating the driver with know-it-all quips of, “I think you should turn here, this way is faster.”; or the driver spouse who rankles their passenger when they take hairpin turns, or deftly weave in and out traffic, at considerable speeds, k’eilu they are on the verge of edging out another driver for a first place finish in the Daytona 500, it’s just one of those things in life that many married couples tend to do to each other.

Ultimately, these on-road jabs are usually rather harmless and passing in nature, with equilibrium reestablished upon arrival at the destination.

Provided there are no other notable indicators that this young woman is a mistrusting individual, I would recommend setting your concern aside. Better yet, you might be wise to start working on not being irritated by your passenger’s lane checking, as you may well eventually experience this from whomever it is that you marry, to one degree or another.

May The Shoimer Yisroel see that you and your future wife, whomever she may be, are zoicheh to calm and serenity in all manner of travel, and in all aspects of life.

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