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Yated Shidduch Forum 2/1/19: Traveling Out of Town for a Date, How Long Should I Stay?


In the past, proper spacing between dates has been discussed. 

I will iy”H be traveling by plane to date someone out-of-town. Should I be waiting around several days in a city I am not familiar with before I go on the next date? Would you advise me any differently than if I was dating in-town?


Although this is by no means a hard-and-fast rule – as the true answer is heavily dependent on how each couple is progressing, and how many dates have transpired thus far – my understanding from speaking with skilled shadchanim is that the generally preferred interval between dates is two to four days. This offers each dater the opportunity to methodically process the proceedings of each date after their preliminary sensations have dissipated – mentally and emotionally – and, at the same time, prevents profligate passages of time from essentially quashing all past momentum. 

Accordingly, for one who is travelling for a date, it would be optimal to coordinate a trip of three to four days, if the goal is to go out more than once during the visit. That is to say, an attempt should be made to allow for the execution of a procedure which, in the considered opinion of many experts, carries the maximum capacity for harnessing a positive and productive dating experience.  

However, in reality, this is often neither practical nor feasible when one dater has journeyed to another locale. As such, dates can effectively be arranged to take place on consecutive days. And especially so when it will be a first and second date, leaving it likely that conversation will remain relatively introductory and somewhat superficial.   

Ideally, this would begin with a morning date on day one, followed by an evening date on day two, in order to interpolate as much time apart as possible, within the limited timeframe. Nonetheless, when even that is not achievable, an evening date can be succeeded by a late-morning date, provided that the shadchan is assured by both parties that doing so will not be unduly overwhelming, damagingly draining, or accompanied by apprehension. As long as all involved are comfortable with such an immediate sequencing of dates, it can be both manageable and constructive. 

May the Takfo La’ad give strength and fortitude to all those in shidduchim, and may their dedication to the task at hand generate a multitude of magnificent marriages.  

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